Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I simply can't complain

I'm currently sitting in a business that enables you to tan while you launder your clothes. I'm not on the Jersey Shore, just the U of Louisville campus. J's apartment doesn't have laundry and I didn't have enough luggage to bring up a months worth of clothes. I can go without doing laundry for over a month when I have my entire wardrobe at my disposal, that's not really impressive just lazy. 
The last week has involved a lot of sleeping in, drinks and games. I love college. Being on winter break in Louisville has kind of spoiled me, oh well. Over the last week Jason and I have exchanged Christmas gifts, because we're both impatient as well as done a bunch of other things together since I'm staying with him during break. We decided to save stockings for closer to Christmas and that lasted until last night. Oops. That's ok, we have three more Christmases between our families that we must be patient for. Actually I could stand to just prolong some of them for a few more months down the road. Yeesh. 
Last week we got free movie tickets to the new Sherlock Holmes, I hadn't seen the first so I spent much of the day watching the first and then being lazy and watching other movies. The next day we had free tickets to the new Mission Impossible but didn't get there early enough, apparently there were some very excited fans that got there over an hour early...darn...I don't like Tom Cruise the human being but I do like that he does all of his own stunts including scaling the tallest building in the world, in Dubai, for the movie. So as an actor, he has some redeeming qualities. Not enough for me to actually pay for his movies but I'd go see one for free. 
On my other days off, usually while Jason was working, I got myself domesticated and baked cookies and did dishes. I've also been reading a lot and visiting red box. Or I look for an excuse to go perusing around Target or anywhere with people and interaction. Hanging out at home with the cat is fun and all but not having my own friends here gets a little taxing. And depressing. 
I'm looking forward to heading up to Michigan to see family and friends. I'm looking even more forward to having my family come down to Nashville (including my niece and nephew)to celebrate Christmas Southern style. I LOVE having visitors. It seems a bit ridiculous to drive all the way to Michigan just to turn right back around a few days later to celebrate in Nashville and then come straight back to Louisville. I sure do love to drive. Words with Friends and reading will help me get through those long drives. 
I went to a work party with J and friends on Sunday. It was debauchery and awesomeness. There were burlesque performers, an open bar and lots of people watching. I saw boobs that were not the performers, girls making out and people falling down. It was perfection. 
I've been reading Spontaneous Happiness by Dr. Andrew Weil. If you're looking for good reads regarding mental health (it's not self-help) check it out-he's a social worker's dream even though he's an M.D. (Stew-I'm thinking of you with this one). 

Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I know I will. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

I follow rivers

Oh this last week has been lovely. I had my last day at my field placement, received good news at the surgeon's appointment and got to spend some time with the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. The only non-lovely thing to come about within the last week was the disgusting head cold I've been battling and then passing along to J who had finals. What can I say? I like to share. Sorry :(
So a majority of the week was spent in Louisville. I was told at the doctors to practice walking on the boot without crutches for a week to ten days. I took that to mean use the crutches as minimally as possible. It's an awkward boot to walk on and it's definitely taken some getting used to. When I walk on it I have a bit of a limp but it's gotten better. I still need the crutches when not wearing the boot, which is basically just at night or out of the shower. I will be going back to the Doc in six weeks to find out what's next, likely it will be physical therapy once the boot is gone. Yipee. 
While in Louisville I've successfully finished my Christmas shopping, well all but my Grandma and helped decorate the apartment for the holiday. I've also learned how to make homemade chicken noodle soup and convinced Jason that he really enjoys cooking for me. It's a fair trade, he cooks, I wash dishes. I'm beginning to think he's got the better end of that deal. I cook too but not as well or often. 
We exchanged one gift each because we are impatient. He opened one of his nerdy board games, which we played with friends on Saturday, and I opened my T-Rex necklace (yes!) and two books one of which I already started. 
All of this downtime not in school or at my internship has resulted in me starting and finishing Stephen Colbert's book and looking for other things to do while J is studying or at work. It's been so cold here I've got little desire to go outside though the sun has been out so that helps. I have a feeling this break is just going to involve a lot of reading, movies and seasons upon seasons of tv shows and wine drinking. I also need to start thinking about field placement next year because we are going to be interviewing for those in March. Damn. It's flying by already. I also need to figure out what I'm doing this summer. If I didn't have things to plan I don't know what I would do with myself. 
I am getting very excited to head up to Michigan, though it will only be for a short time I'm hoping to squeeze some time in with my friends up there. It will also involve family time, not just mine and dealing with Michigan weather. I don't know if I remember how to drive in that crap. We shall see.
Hope you have a wonderful mucus-free week, I hope I will. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

I'm gonna leave my body, gonna lose my mind

The other morning, I think it was Wednesday I had the opportunity to sleep in since my classes are now over. Instead of doing that I woke up at 6:30 in the morning with my heart pounding because of this:
 I had a dream that a spider (this is my very accurate rendering) was ferociously attacking me. He wasn't an ordinary spider this guy was the size of a kitten and didn't seem to mind the light or my attempts to kill him. In my dream he was stalking my moves. He'd pop up out of nowhere. And when he finally got to me there were people around just watching in horror as he bit me with his beastly fangs. And then I woke up. Don't let the picture fool you, he was terrifying. (my skills with MS Paint aren't quite refined yet).  After waking up I shook out my blankets and looked under my pillow for spiders. I hate spiders, especially in Tennessee where I have seen some gnarly ones. After I convinced myself that there were no spiders in my bed I fell back asleep for a bit. Friday morning I had a dream that I was in a real-life LOST situation and Saturday morning I woke up after a dream that my current relationship had ended. I probably have a brain tumor with the extensive amount of action the back of my eyelids have seen lately. Or I'm finally getting a sufficient amount of sleep and I have a mental disorder. That's probably more likely than the brain tumor. Though I have had a few headaches lately...
Last week was pretty awesome in that I finished my first semester of grad school and I'm still waiting on one of my grades but it's looking like a solid 4.0. Woot. Even with a broken ankle and all I managed to rock this semester. This week I also finished up my internship until January (except one council meeting tomorrow) and I got my semester evaluation from my supervisors. They have been really happy with my performance and had only one critique for me regarding supervision. They also said they now have really high expectations for me after this semester because they now know what I'm capable of. That may come back to bite me in the ass. I need to remember I don't always need to be an over-achiever. So as far as academics I was flying pretty high. I also made a pretty nice amount of cash for babysitting. Some other aspects of life didn't go as swimmingly this week but I can't expect things to go smoothly all the time. 
Had a little family scare and I'm waiting to hear about some doctors visits until I feel less restless. I'm sure things are going to be just fine and I'm trying to stay positive about it. I don't like being so far from my family when stuff like this comes up. It also makes me realize that I suck at communicating with some of my family. Need to work on that I suppose. 
This week I should have been working on dealing with disappointment when things don't go as planned. That's what happens when you grow up not dealing with much disappointment, you kind of expect things to go the way you expect them to all the time. I don't throw a fit like one would expect of a spoiled girl, I withdraw and try to figure out how to deal with the change in plans. I can see how people could come to resent a person like that though. And why it might cause problems. 
Ankle update: Still on crutches. My ankle is beginning to look like that of a normal person's. It's nice to be able to look down at my ankle after taking of the massive walking boot and not be horrified by the swollen cankle that I had a few weeks ago. It's not normal sized by any means but I have a defined ankle again. Doctor's appointment in two days where I am hoping he will tell me no more crutches. If he doesn't I may beat him with one.... or at least fantasize about it as I nod my head an stifle a cry of frustration. We'll see what happens I suppose. 
Other than the ankle and the crazy dreams I'm thankful to have my physical health. I'm also thankful for having the opportunity to be back in school and take advantage of the breaks in school. Now let's make the best of it. 

Have a wonderful week :)

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I'm in love with every single moment.

If you haven't already checked out the new Los Campesinos' album you probably should get right to that...after you read this of course, or skim for any ignominious or sordid details....which are few and far between. 
Anyway, weekly wrap-up is a-go! 
And I did what most people in the United States did this week which was bide my time at work and school(while being wholly unproductive)until I could get out of dodge to celebrate Thanksgiving. Any excuse for a 5 day weekend is fine by me be it colonization, Jesus' birthday or zombies, I don't care. I hitched a ride up to Louisville with some friends that were on their way to the mitten. My Pontiac is probably still thanking them for being able to avoid that drive for another weekend or so. Once in Louisville we did the normal Wednesday thing and went to the Wrench for moped night then went on to see the Muppet's at which point I was pretty damn tipsy from shots and a few bourbon and gingers. I don't think that affected my judgment of the movie and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Thanksgiving day resulted in heading to a friends to watch the Lions/Packers game and eat way more food than any human should. It was glorious except for that whole Lions losing part. J and I made sides to take to the gathering, both of which were delicious. Apparently I make a pretty mean brussels sprouts dish. We left late afternoon and friends came over for board games. Everyone was in a food coma. 
I avoided the Black Friday madness for the most part by sleeping in extremely late and hanging til the boy had to work. After 5pm I ventured out to pick up some things for the house to make it a little more Christmas-y. I went to Target and decided to break down and get one of the motorized carts because there was no way for me to carry what I needed to buy. I have avoided it for about 5 weeks but decided to just suck it up and ride that little Amiga til the cows came home, or til I was done shopping. The store wasn't very busy but that didn't stop people from standing in the middle of aisles talking on their cell phone and ignoring my inability to get around them. Or looking at me with disdain. Or laughing because the cart beeps when it reverses. Ohh dear God please don't make me do that again. On top of that, from the sitting position I wasn't able to reach some of the things on the shelves so I had to awkwardly balance on my good foot and lean on the cart as I attempted to gather my things. I prefer the callouses on my palms from the crutches times a thousand compared to using that thing. I lack the self-confidence and 60+ years that require the usage of the Amiga. You win. 
Saturday we drove over to Lexington so I could spend some time with my best friend. She was there visiting family and I was able to steal her away for a few hours to watch football and drink beer. It was exactly what I needed. I'm glad we were able to pull it off. Sometimes I think it's hard for people to understand why so much of my heart is in Michigan and why I try so hard to keep these friendships going. In the year that I have been in Nashville I haven't made the connections to people that I have in the past though I have met some amazing people and would love to continue to cultivate those friendships. I'm sure part of that is a lack of effort but it may also be that I just haven't met anyone quite like the people I love in Michigan. I'll try to remain open to any of it.
The rest of Saturday we had drinks and played nerdy games with folks and I fell asleep on the couch while J played Zelda at 3 a.m. He makes me laugh. Sunday we slept in then the boy made stir fry as I sat and watched cos I'm spoiled. He also had to fix the bottom of one of my crutches because I wore out the rubber stopper on the bottom. Woops. I'm constantly reminded through selfless acts of how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, caring person in my life. Alas, I had to face reality once my friends got there to whisk me away back to Music City. And it rained and rained and rained and is probably still raining right now. I'll be glad when the sun decides to reappear and keep the floors dry and slip-free. 
Ankle update: I'm too lazy to take off the boot and take a picture because there are a bazillion velcro straps but I will say that the swelling has been steadily decreasing aside from the swollen parts of my ankle that will likely remain for quite some time as my body accepts that the metal plate is there to stay. It only appears overly swollen if I've been on my feet too much but I feel that in my whole body. Ten more days til the doctor's appointment. Oh yes!
This week is the end of my semester officially and will include finishing up hours at my practicum and a take home exam. Hallelujah! Then just hanging around Nashville until after the surgeon tells me what's next. We shall see.
Have a fantastic week, I know I will. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

But I'm stumbling around, with one foot on the ground.

Since Monday I have been counting down the days until Thanksgiving Break as well as the day of my appointment with my surgeon to find out if I can ditch these crutches in a little over two weeks. It feels like it rained a majority of the week though I think my perception of that is a little skewed because this weekend I got about 24 hours of sleep. I think my body is trying to tell me something.
I spent most of my time this week finishing up school things and going to my internship. Neither of those things were very noteworthy. I looked for ways to create more work for myself at my internship because I get bored very easily when not attending meetings. I spend time sitting in my office researching workforce development and policy that effects employment and unemployment benefits. Don't get me wrong, it's quite interesting but doing that for hours on end can get a bit tedious. I'm beginning to realize I am not a researcher. Also i don't think workforce development is my niche. I'll find it, hopefully next year at my next field placement. I also spent a lot of time at Starbucks reading for class. I also realized that staying in Starbucks for any great length of time leaves you with an odd smell on your clothes. I haven't quite figured out what the smell is but it's not a great smell. This is not limited to the Starbucks I frequent, I went to a different one this week and noticed the same thing. It's like a sour milk smell mixed with baking bread. It's the oddest thing and annoys me to no end. I could easily solve this problem by sitting outside or just not going but then that leaves me studying at home which then means watching hours of Law and Order on DVR. Not good. 
Other than the mystery smell the week went on as normal. 
Friday, however, ended in a place I usually avoid like the plague. Church. Backstory: My friend plays bass with the band at his church. He seems to really enjoy it and has asked me more than once to come watch him. This is also the church that a few of my other friends attend and have been asked to check out. Anyway, I went to church at 7p.m. on Friday to watch my friend play. I was there for support. What I didn't know is that they had a guest speaker on this particular night and that I would be sitting there until 10:30 p.m. I also didn't know the guest speaker was a recognized prophet and after her sermon on wealth transfer she would be pointing out members of the audience to notify them that God was talking to her about them. Two of my friends were called upon during this time. I crossed my fingers hoping she wouldn't call on me. Though I can't imagine God has much to say on my behalf if he does speak through this woman. Mostly she made me angry and uncomfortable. Whose to say that she is no different than those self-proclaimed psychics that charge you money for their services? As she was talking I felt like I was reading my horoscope. Generalized worries and thoughts that most people have at some point in their life. I have a really hard time connecting with things of that nature. If I want to be closer to God I'll find my own way and it won't be by means of crystal balls and scare tactics. 
After church we (half of the congregation between 18-26) went to grab food and a margarita for myself. I don't like feeling like I have to censor myself and once I had one drink in me I didn't. It's very hard to feel like you can't connect with people on any level. And I didn't. I'm really ok with that though.
Tonight I met a friend for drinks. We see each other sporadically since he is constantly touring but we always have great conversation. Tonight was a little different because we ran into a friend of his that had an entourage of sorts. The friend of the friend spoke to me in Arabic and told me I was pretty and had nice tits. My friend and I were in agreement that we weren't aware there was an Arabic word for 'tits' and I kind of hate that word. Watching some of them reminded me of college. There were girls getting sloppy drunk and dancing to music while other girls unapologetically made out with random dudes sitting less than a foot away from me. I don't miss college for that reason. 
P.s. Random girl; your butt was hanging out of your pants. Not cute.
Overall, good week. Not too exciting but I'm really ok with that. 

Looking forward to Thanksgiving, the Muppets, hangs with the boy and relaxing. 
Have a fantastic week and Happy Thanksgiving :)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Working on it.

    Have you ever just had one of those days where no matter how someone says something you take it the wrong way? I usually have about two days out of every month where if you look at me funny I want to crawl in a hole and sob. Now I'm thinking that's not exactly normal but that's how I've been functioning for quite some time now. It's one of those things where I have to put a disclaimer on the day and warn those around me that I'm just not feeling like myself. At the time it feels so consuming that I will never get out of it. In reality it's forty eight hours of me being combative and very whiny while crazy thoughts cross my mind. I'm not much fun to be around while this is taking place but at the same time I crave the solace of being around people that are normal that I can imitate. So it's extra hard during this time for me to deal with the disappointment of plans falling through or feeling lonely. Usually by the time I come back to reality I just feel silly for the way I acted, apologize to those affected and tell myself that I won't behave that way again. And then four weeks goes by and it happens all over again. Crazy hormones. 
   Lately I've had a massive urge to go for a walk. A nice casual, easygoing, crutch-free walk. This desire is thwarted by my damn ankle. I can't wait to take casual strolls or jaunts without the awkwardness of the clicking of the metal and stunted hops of my crutches. I have a new found respect for functioning appendages. I think the first thing I will do when I am crutch-free is take a nice little stroll, probably through a store and I will zig-zag through every goddamned aisle of that place (without sweating and breaks). 
   This past week, aside from malingering, I participated in the normal weekly activities of school and internship stuff. I went to Grimey's (the coolest record store Nashville has to offer) to watch an acoustic set played by Defeater. I then had a mild meltdown and went to bed. Saturday I functioned like a normal human being for most of the day. I watched the State game, met my friend for coffee and school work and then went out with some friends for drinks. I hopped through mildly crowded bars cursing at my self for breaking my ankle. I got an invite to a house party and decided to call it a night before I attempted any drunken heroics on crutches. No one wants to see a drunk girl fall down with an already broken ankle. I then had another meltdown thinking about how much I miss my Michigan friends and fell asleep. Sunday was much better in regards to my mental state. I ventured out with my sister to get groceries which I will never do again on crutches. My palms are now calloused like that of a lonely, sexually deprived teenage boy. 
   This week I struggled with patience and self-worth. I don't like not being able to do things for myself as it is but when I am physically incapable of doing those things I feel pretty much worthless. I beat up on myself a lot. I am very thankful that I have people in my life to help me put things in perspective. I hope they know how much they are appreciated. 
Things to look forward to: this coming Wednesday will mark the end of my Wednesday classes. City and Colour will be in town on Thursday. I have two more Monday classes to attend and about forty hours left at my field placement. Hotdog! Thanksgiving is coming up soon which means two things; I get like 5 days off and I get to see my boyfriend. Lastly, three weeks from Wednesday I have another appointment with my surgeon at which point I am crossing my fingers hard that I will no longer have to deal with these crutches. Then i won't have anything to complain about, right? Ahaha. 
Have a wonderful week.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The things we learn on accident.

In the event that this semester of school is wrapping up I've thought a lot about education and the things that I've learned over the last four months. Not only have I learned some of the fundamentals of a master's level social worker I've also gained some knowledge that I didn't really intend to, but that's the best way, right?
Well for starters I have learned that even outside of high school, a large group of women spending a lot of time together in a strenuous program is a recipe for passive aggressive disaster. People talk about other people behind their backs, catty remarks are made and in the Southern way things are done, everyone is still all smiles. Now, I'm just as guilty as the next female for doing things like that because, let's be honest I'm judgmental. I try not to voice my opinions aloud when it comes to my peers at school but every so often I'd get roped in with the best of them. Typically it would be in regards to their diminished intellect or 'better than you' attitude (we have a group of 'Heathers') but I admit sometimes I'm an asshole. That being said, I kept my remarks mostly to myself and just did a lot of listening and sometimes defended those I felt needed it. I just try to keep in mind that some of them probably have some not so desirable opinions about me but I learned to keep my mouth closed. 
I've also learned that people in the South in a classroom setting are some of the rudest fucking people I have ever witnessed. I find myself getting annoyed on a daily basis with student's constant chatter and whispering while the professor is talking or other people are presenting. I'm not quiet about that. Several times I have politely turned around and mentioned that I can't hear over their talking. Rude. So rude and I am not paying to listen to girls whispering about how they already know how their boyfriend is going to propose to them and when. No one gives a fuck and I plan to use my Masters to work not to add it on my resume for the 'stay at home mom' position. Shut it. 
This semester I've learned the difference between a social worker and a psych major fast tracking it to become a therapist. Social work is about social justice, if you're not interested in using your clinical skills to better the lives of individuals that are struggling get out. 
I'm going to change directions here because at this point I'm just getting sassy and annoyed.
I've learned what it feels like to break your ankle in two places and dislocate your foot. It's not comfortable nor ideal but it's definitely not the worst thing in the world that can happen to you. I still think crutches could be used as a form of torture if you needed to get creative with your methods. Think about it, no permanent marks or damage but they are frustrating to the point of tears for the first few days.
I've also learned a few things about myself this semester with regard to my personality and things that I do that annoy me. I need to work on keeping myself in check and valuing people for what they have to offer even if it they annoy the crap out of you. KEEP AN OPEN MIND! Noted.
And lastly, I've learned how very easy it is to keep a relationship going with someone who wants it to work as much as you do. I've learned this lesson with friends since I've lived away from them. It became evident to me again when I realized that I've made it through a semester and the relationship I am in has only gotten stronger. Maybe I'm a bit sentimental because I spent all weekend with the boy and he just makes me so friggin happy but it's true when I say if you want it to work and you both put the effort into it, it will work. And communicate. Holy geez text messages are not successful at portraying inflection, just keep that in mind (Shannon) before jumping to conclusions. 
So, I'd say in four months I was pretty productive at gaining some knowledge and not just through book learnin'. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Orange rhyming dictionary

This week I've been awfully contemplative when it comes to my interactions with people. At my field placement I wondering if I sound like an asshole because more than once I have critiqued an assessment or documentation in regards to the agency that was written by one of my supervisors. Crap. How am I supposed to know? Interactions with my classmates are limited to discussions of how ready everyone else is to be done with this semester because everyone there appears to be pretty burned out. Interactions with my friends were scarce this week due to me trying to cram in a bunch of things I needed to get done before leaving town for the weekend. I've had several more interactions with strangers than I have ever wanted to because my crutches are cause for conversation even if I don't want to converse. When I'm asked what happened I get a lot of 'skateboarding? hmm' looks after they look me up and down and wonder what my chubby ass was doing on a skateboard. That's when I feel the need to explain that I've been doing it for years in order to sound less like a turd.  No matter how it's said I'm sure people have their judgments. 
To say that this week has been easier would be an understatement. I (FINALLY!) got that disgusting cast off on Wednesday to have it replaced with a walking boot. Oddly I still don’t get to walk like a normal person because my surgeon said that even though my ankle is healing fantastically the tendons and ligament need more time before I put weight on them. I did get to see xrays and I have a large metal plate, 7 pins and a massive screw in my ankle. So, I have at least five more weeks on my crutches BUT I get to take the boot off to shower and sleep which is SO much better than putting a bag on my foot and oddly dancing around the shower. I have to stand like a flamingo still but it’s worth it. I’m glad I have pretty stellar balance. The incision looks grotesque as well as the rest of my leg which is bruised and swollen still which is apparently normal. As soon as the cast came off I nearly vomited looking at the state of my leg, hairy, bruised and shedding 2 weeks’ worth of dead skin. Not a pretty sight, trust that. The stitches were removed and I was excited to get home and shower. Bending my ankle was so strange and foreign, I mean to the extent that my ankle could bend. I’ve gotten used to the crutches and I get around pretty well even though my wrists and palms get sore. I’m hoping the weeks go fast and I will be back to walking soonish. Just in time for break from school and travels and crappy weather oh and then physical therapy which is probably going to ruin my plans to crash with the bf during our break from school. Sweet.
This weekend just involved a lot of being a responsible student and studying with Jason. He’s really good at keeping me on track because he’s so motivated to study. Our downtime was involved being lazy and ordering pizza and him taking very good care of me. I’m a lucky girl.
I spent time and had a lengthy conversation with a friend on Friday night after getting into town. We’re new friends so we’re still getting to know each other. The conversation turned out a lot like most of the conversations I have with people, a lot of listening and then turning it into an accidental therapy session. This is a common happening when it comes to friends and I. Not only do I prefer it that way, I’m beginning to accept the fact that I have a natural proclivity to therapize (that’s not a word per se but it’s one that therapists use anyway). I’d rather not talk about me because most times I just come across as awkward and make noises in place of real words.
Anyway, a little less than 3 weeks until Thanksgiving and basically the end of my semester. That will then be followed by the longest sigh of relief that has ever escaped a human body.
Have a great week, I’m going to just try to survive my busy week ahead. 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Look, you started the handicap seating over here!

Wowza, my arms are tired. My legs are tired. My everything is tired. Crutches are like a workout machine at the gym. None that I've ever used but that's not saying much. I found it to be very effective in working out the arm I use to punch with, be afraid....pssh.
This week was a roller coaster. It started off with me missing class on Monday thus not being able to meet with my group or get the results back on a paper I turned in. My prof keeps promising to post the grades but has yet to do so which is driving me crazy. Tuesday I didn't take my pain meds so that I could drive to my internship. I only stayed for four hours and they were rough. My body was still adjusting to being out and about as well as not having my foot elevated. I held it together long enough to get thai and receive my birthday presents from my Mom, who enjoys shopping for purses and wallets even more than me. I was gifted with a laptop bag and a wallet both from fossil, they rock. Wednesday was 7 hours of class and a meeting with my prof about our group project for research. Thankfully we didn't have much to edit and we did a pretty good job. It feels good to have the semester start to wrap up. Thursday was a little rough, I woke up feeling bad and had zero motivation or energy to do much of anything. On top of that my Mom was leaving that day and my sister was going back to work so I knew that I was going to be on my own. I came home from field placement and  crashed on the couch for the rest of the night. Friday I did the internship again and it was a bit better. I found myself looking for an excuse to leave the house, though going in most places is a huge pain in the ass. 
Saturday I woke up feeling much better and decided to venture out to work on some papers and projects. That turned into lunch with a friend and then the two of us meeting up with two other friends to go to a bonfire in Whites Creek.  I was a bit apprehensive worrying about the logistics of seats, uneven ground and wet grass, yeesh. Thankfully I had friends to help out and I made it just fine. There was another kid on crutches that put his seat close to mine while the bands were playing, so we had our own handicap section far enough away from the kids that danced and pushed each other around. The highlight of the party was Gumby pretending to hump the bass player from behind and was completely oblivious. People watching at parties like that makes my night. There was a huge range in age of people there, a lot younger than us but we also saw a man in his 60's with a watermelon painted on his face....still not sure if he was supposed to be a mixed up Care Bear or what. We stayed long enough to freeze our asses off and my exposed toes had no feeling left in them at that point so the most obvious thing to do was to go get ice cream. We hung out around Steak and Shake for over an hour bullshitting and making fun of each other. It was exactly what I needed, even if it reminded me of high school. 
I'm getting around much better and I don't get so tired and sore on the crutches anymore. I need to remind myself to slow down sometimes before I fall off a curb. Give it time, I'm a klutz. 
Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my mishap so I'm thinking I'm doing pretty good as far as progress goes. I have an appointment on Wednesday where I will get this stupid cast off (hopefully!) and maybe a boot. I'm afraid these crutches are here to stay for a while. I'm hoping to be off of them before Christmas. Fingers crossed. 
Next weekend may involve venturing out of the city....we'll have to see what the doctor says. 
So, in closing...there are just a few perks of being on crutches.
1. People are super helpful, even strangers.
2. I'm getting ripped! (hah, ok just less chubby)
3. They are an acceptable excuse to use an elevator or motorized cart (which I have yet to take advantage of).
4. It keeps me from going shopping and spending money I shouldn't. 

I'm able to maneuver myself pretty well already, next week, tricks. 
Have a lovely week :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

the ABC's of FML

Warning: any incoherence or grammatical errors can be directly linked to the pain killers that I just swallowed, so please excuse the nonsense. What's the excuse for the errors in all of the other posts you ask? Shut your face.
Ok, so it's a bit dramatic to say 'f**k my life' but these last few days have been associated with a few of those thoughts. If you weren't already aware of what's going on, check the last post. So after breaking my ankle I failed at being able to do much of anything productive because most of the time before the surgery if I sat for longer than 30 minutes I would start falling asleep. Pain killers are extremely effective at sedation for me. If only I had known this while dealing with insomnia in college. Anyway, my Mom decided that since I was unable to help my sister with her gallbladder surgery she needed to come down to give us all a hand. Thankfully! I tried very hard to stay positive between Monday after finding out I needed surgery until Friday when the actual surgery took place. I struggled with the reality of it when I had a consult with the orthopedic surgeon and he talked about the plates and screws he wanted to connect to my bones and how it was going to be an 8-12 week healing process. Tuesday I made it a point to cry for no reason in front of a nurse, the surgeon and my sister's boyfriend. Hooray for hormones! By Wednesday I had gotten acclimated to the drugs I was on and was also able to shower so things seemed to take a turn for the better. A shower can make all the difference in the world sometimes I swear. No one likes to be the stinky kid. 
I tried my best to make light of the situation and looked for just about any excuse to leave the house for even just a few minutes. After hucking it through Walgreen's on my crutches I decided that was all the adventure I needed in one day so I came home and ate dinner and then napped like a baby. Thursday I was coherent enough to read a bit for school and do some research for group projects. My Mom showed up on Friday to take me in to get sliced and diced...(the incisions are probably minuscule...) and I tried to make jokes with the nurse that was prepping me for surgery and my anesthesia. My joking didn't help to calm my nerves and my heart rate was too high for their liking so they gave me something to calm me down before even putting me to sleep. On top of that the anesthesiologist introduced the back of my knee to an ultrasound to locate the nerves connected to my ankle and foot. After figuring out where they were he injected those nerves with a nerve blocker that numbed my entire lower leg from knee to toes. It felt just like getting your mouth numbed for a cavity and was such a strange feeling to have in such a large area of your body. What I didn't know at the time was how bad it was going to suck to get feeling back in that large area again. I was pretty out of it when they woke me up from the surgery and I don't really remember getting in the car but once I got my bearings I was on a mission to get home. I wanted to elevate my foot and put something it my belly because I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight the previous night and at this point it was 5 pm. My Mom got me home to join my sister who was laid up on one couch and I took the other. We ate and relaxed and before long my boyfriend was there to help out for the weekend. He brought me gorgeous flowers with roses, lilies and daisies all fall colors. I was glad to be done with surgery and I didn't feel too bad. I got around the house ok when I needed to and my level of pain was kind of minimal with the pain meds. Friday night after Mom and Jill went to bed we watched episodes of the Walking Dead so I could catch up. Saturday I was still feeling ok enough to get up and shower but realized after being up and around that my nerve blocker was beginning to wear off. That's when the pins and needles started in my toes to the back of my calf. I began feeling worse throughout the day on Saturday though cupcakes for my birthday from GiGi's made it more bearable. Sunday I woke up in an intense amount of pain and was glad to have the boy taking care of me. He woke up with me and comforted me after getting me what I needed. I am a lucky girl. 
I joked that I was going to have bedsores by the end of the weekend and I swear I'm working on them. I'm so sick of being forced to lay down with my left ankle elevated. Every time I would so much as move my legs toward the end of the couch my mom, sister or boyfriend would be asking me what I needed. 
It's getting harder to focus on the screen without my eyes crossing....yeesh. I hope I start feeling ok enough to leave the house and go to class tomorrow. The back of my leg and my ankle feel like they are on fire when I'm up for longer than 30 seconds which was not thee case before surgery but soon I think that will go away. 
So let this be a lesson to you, breaking your ankle sucks balls, especially right before your 26th birthday. 
Have a wonderful week....

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Adventures in breaking my ankle...this sucks

I'm really not the lay around all day type so having to decide between getting out of bed and ungracefully hobbling around on crutches or staying in bed honestly is a frustrating decision. These crutches have already managed to bruise the inside of my arms. It takes a good 5 minutes to get to the bathroom that's 2 feet from my door, use it and then return. My day yesterday started off well, I slept in til 9:30, got school stuff done then made some lunch before heading to class. After class I decided that I didn't want to start studying quite yet because it was too damn nice out not to enjoy the weather. That decision led to this: 
That is what a dislocated foot, two broken bones and torn tendons looks like. I did this by simply carving around the bowl at Metro skatepark. I had been skating for about an hour and was just kind of skating at my leisure, in no rush to throw any tricks (in my limited bag of tricks). I was riding my board between a mini within the bowl itself and then rolled over into a deeper bowl. As I was turning to go back down the bowl I was rolling back into it at an odd angle and when I went to correct my direction I somehow managed to get my left foot trapped under my board causing me to trip. As I was falling forward my foot twisted and stayed underneath the board causing a very loud POP! within my ankle. I felt my foot dislocate as I was falling to the concrete. I layed there for just a second before sitting up to assess the damage, knowing it felt different than a sprain. I pulled up the leg of my jeans to see that my ankle was already swelling, within the 15 seconds it had been since I fell. I wasn't sure what to do next so I did what seemed like common sense and attempted to get up so I could get out of the bowl. After steadying myself on my right foot I tested my left foot to see how much weight I could put on it. Then I experienced the grossest feeling I have ever felt when I felt my foot give way and the bones inside of my ankle squish around inside my skin. I sat right back down and when doing so could feel my foot involuntary going in any direction it wanted to. The pain didn't really start until after I called a friend over to help me get out of the bowl. After much effort and crabwalking backwards up the ramp and feeling my foot squish and rock with every movement of my leg that's when things started to get a little hairy. I left my shoe on because I was pretty certain I heard that it's better to keep it on with ankle injuries but I could feel pressure building in my foot and was starting to lose feeling. Every time I moved my leg my foot would absorb the shock from moving it while kind of moving about all willy nilly and doing it's own thing. Every time that happened I was trying to keep from crying out in pain while doing some weird breathing exercises that probably looked like Lamaze as I sat there holding onto my leg. After debating on calling an ambulance to get my out of there it was determined that trying to move on my own wasn't a good idea. This 14 year old kid called 911  and two firetrucks and an ambulance was there within minutes. I was beyond embarrassed and was conscious of how there was no way I was going to cry in front of all of these people. The paramedics offered pain medication which I declined because I just wanted them to get me out of there, instead I made sarcastic jokes about being old and the position I was in. They were all super nice and told me I was a trooper. After getting in the ambulance and being rattled around on the stretcher they offered pain meds again which I accepted. At that point they could have offered me heroin and I would taken it. Being in the ambulance freaked me out and I started getting overwhelmed with wondering what my insurance was going to cover, how I was going to get my car, who was going to come pick me up, etc. Knowing my sister was at work I called her boyfriend and couldn't hold it together any longer and started crying. What is it about talking to someone about the issue that triggers that? Weird. He had rehearsal that evening and I had no idea what time I would be done at the hospital. I then called my sister to give her a head's up and let her know what was going on. I then texted my boyfriend and he immediately called our mutual friend and asked her to meet me at the hospital and to bring ice cream. Ha. This resulted in me calling him and yelling.  He then yelled at me for being stubborn and said it wasn't negotiable. Yeah, which one of us is stubborn? He was right, I was glad to have Julia there because it gave me someone to talk to and be less freaked out. I had x-rays after being told it was either a dislocation with significant tearing of the tendons or a fracture. Turns out I had both! I'm an overachiever even when it comes to injuring myself. The doctor was quite impressed with the extent at which I dislocated my foot because apparently it dislocated so badly my foot was pushed two inches forward and out further than what it was supposed to. After telling me all of this I was informed I would be getting surgery possibly that night and that they needed to pop my foot back into place. Ugh, the feeling of my foot being pulled and jostled back into place is very vivid still. Thankfully they gave me a mild sedative to handle the pain. My nurse and doctor were both super nice and humored me when I was joking around with them. After one more x-ray the doctor put a soft cast on me and told me that I was going home and needed to call the orthopedic surgeon in the morning so that I could have surgery as soon as possible (before the week was over). Julia was so helpful in getting me to the pharmacy and then home. The drugs they gave me make me really tired but help reduce the pain. I'm panicking about missing school and my internship though my supervisor has been really nice and understanding. We'll see what happens. From what I understand my breaks were here:

               Surgery soon but until then I look like this:

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Well if you ask me nicely.....still no.

I think with my birthday coming up I have become a bit 'age obsessed' as of late. Last night a kid guessed my age correctly. It made me sad. I used to look a lot younger than my age. Turning 26 really isn't that big of a deal, I just don't want to look 26. I'll be glad for the age when you stop being so looks obsessed. I have a friend that thinks its funny to tell me that after the age of 25 women are old. I already feel old, yeesh. Maybe it's because 10 years ago I thought my future self would have been done with school with a successful job and married by this time. I am not close to achieving any of those. Yay me. 
For my birthday I'm giving myself another 10 years to make those things happen. Happy early Birthday to me. 
Another thing I realized last night. I have zero interest in being in a extremely crowded bar at 2 in the morning watching men trying to 'seal the deal' with their prospective victims. That Southern charm seems to be quite effective with a lot of women in downtown Nashville. At that point it's not people watching its me attempting to telepathically convince women to be less drunk and stop making out with that mistake in front of you and avoid the regret and random phone number saved in your phone as 'Br8ia)y.' Those are the kind of numbers that have an expiration date of last call at the bar you're at. Someone should make an app for that. Any number saved after 1 am with an incoherent name should just automatically be erased while you are sleeping to avoid the shame and embarrassment in the morning. I don't know how to develop software so if you steal that idea at least give me partial credit. Call it 'Regret Ninja' because it's silent and quick.
My week went about like this: school, internship, read, repeat.
I don't recall anything exciting or out of the ordinary throughout the week. I did have an easier time in my research class and got motivated to start some projects early. My sleep schedule has been drastically changed due to my internship and I am usually running on a solid 5 hours on a daily basis. Needless to say I made up for some of that loss of sleep over the weekend.
The weekend involved some mixed feelings. MSU beat U of M. That's always a cause for celebration. I made some extra money by way of babysitting. I had some interactions that were not ideal and I began to realize some things about some people that I've been disconnected with as of late. 
I have a really hard time dealing with people that are judgmental but deny judging. Don't be passive aggressive. Don't tell me you're joking when you're not. That's all. People don't always enjoy when I'm honest with them but it's a lot less hurtful when I do it. I'm not saying I always do that. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue and play nice but not with someone you really respect. 
Ok, so let's end this on a positive note....I have 6 weeks left of this semester and it feels so good. The break between semesters is a much anticipated hiatus from all things responsible and spending more time with the boy. I think that only cheers me up so for everyone else...

Monday, October 10, 2011

I'm not going anywhere..

Suffice it to say, I did not want to return to Nashville this morning. I knew what was ahead of me; school, internship and lots and lots of reading. The weekend was perfection. The days prior to Thursday night were not so much...
As I mentioned I started my internship this week. I was scheduled to start the internship on Tuesday morning at 9 a.m. I left with a lot of extra time anticipating the Nashville traffic to be crap in the morning and it's supposed to take 30 solid minutes to get there anyway. I left at 8:05 a.m. and was sitting still on the highway by 8:15 a.m. After doing this for 15 minutes I turned on the radio to listen to traffic and called my supervisor to let her know I was stuck. I then waited for 30 minutes and by this time I was supposed to be there. My supervisor called to see if I had moved...I had...inches. She called back 25 minutes later to tell me that she and the director had meetings in the afternoon and I should just start the following day. Two minutes later, traffic starts moving and I'm off the highway. A semi jack-knifed and brought traffic to a complete halt for most of Nashville. I heard people talking it later in the day saying that some people didn't get to work til 10:30 a.m. Yeesh. So I took the rest of the day to eat lunch with my sister and her bf and then read for the rest of the day. Wednesday morning I left the house again with a ton of extra time and ended up getting to my internship incredibly early. Naturally. The day went well. A lot of it was spent talking, an extended lunch and then a meeting with one of the agencies with contract work with. That evening I participated in eating some very southern food and went to a chicken shack for 'hot chicken.' That's how its referred to down here. It just means spicy as fuck until your mouth is on fire and you are chugging water. I powered through. Apparently it was done on Man v Food and my sister's bf and his friend wanted to take the challenge. It was really good as were the sides but I'm about done with traditional Southern cooking for a little while. Especially after experiencing turnip greens on the same day and finding out how they were prepared AFTER eating them. Yuck. Thursday I got very acquainted with the Workforce Investment Act Youth handbook and introduced myself to nearly every person in the building. Everyone is super nice. Some people are funny and sarcastic, others are pretty straight-laced, including my direct supervisor so I just need to keep it professional. I'm feeling pretty optimistic about it. 
Immediately after my day was done I made the trek to Louisville. Oh Louisville. That city and that man have my heart for sure. 
Thursday we stayed inside and made dinner, well he made dinner I watched. Friday we drove up to Grand Rapids to be at his friend's wedding. The drive up was gorgeous! We got to see all of the amazing fall colors all the way up to Michigan. It made me miss Michigan like crazy. The wedding was a wedding. It was the total opposite of what I would expect many of my friend's weddings to look like. I'm going to keep all other opinions to myself because religion is a tricky subject. After the wedding we needed to find drinks so we went downtown GR for the remainder of the evening with another friend of Jason's who is hilarious. One of the funniest kids I've ever met. Jason and I drove over the Lansing and had a really great talk about life in general. Car rides have a tendency to be the venue for deep conversations, which I enjoy. 
Saturday we got to spend time with my very best friends and took advantage of being in Michigan. I even got to surprise Scuba for his birthday and learned that I unwittingly made an enemy of my ex's wife while trying to do the exact opposite of that about a year ago. Oh well. Sunday was spent driving back, outlet shopping (window shopping for me) and then games with friends. 
AHHmazing weekend had to come to an end. Damn.
So, if you need a place for hot chicken or meat and 3's come visit and I'll send you in that direction and won't be following. The South is so weird with their food. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

It's almost Fall here.

It's already October! I'm shivering a little and it's like 60* out. Uh oh. The leaves have started to change just a little. 
This week kind of flew by and for that I am thankful. I definitely didn't spend as much time studying as I normally do but for some reason my profs decided to take it easy on us this week. I'm guessing that's due to field placement starting next week. 
On Thursday I went to see Hanson at the Wild Horse. I discussed that in the last post. I will say this, hearing women scream 'Taylor, Taylor' with drink in hand just makes the experience a lot less innocent than what it sounded like when I was thirteen. Kind of weird. I still had a good time and I got to hang out for part of the time at the lighting console with my sister's coworkers. On the way to my car I randomly bumped into one of my classmates (thankfully one that I like) and she introduced me to her friends as, 'one of the smartest girls in my class.' I laughed but it was mildly flattering, especially since she's quite smart herself. She's also from Michigan so maybe that's the connection. 
Friday night I babysat for the couple I normally sit for and got done early. I left in kind of a odd mood and hunted around for something to do. I ended up playing pool with Joe and a few of his friends. I really enjoy hanging out with new people, especially when they don't seem too offended with my mouth. I was in a strange state and just kind of let it fly the whole night. When I do that I typically assess any damage done after the night is over and second guess myself and interactions with people. It also got me thinking about institutionalized racism based on my observations at the bar that night. Random but my brain doesn't turn off from my social work perspectives sometimes.
Saturday I spent the day hanging with my sister. We went shopping (of course) and had Thai. The food was amazing and I can't wait to take other people to that restaurant. I also got an early birthday present in the form of a trench that I fell in love with after trying it on. My sister is an enabler at times because I have a clothes addiction. 
It's getting a hair ridiculous but I justified it by saying that I'm in need of dress clothes for work and this jacket will be perfect when it gets cooler and I need a dress jacket. Problem solved. 
We spent the rest of the day perusing and then realized we needed were running terribly late for the evening festivities. My friend's band was playing at 3rd and Lindsley and since he's rarely in town we make an effort to see him whenever he is. I'm still not a fan of country music but the girl he plays for is incredibly good and entertaining so it works for me. After the show we went downtown (ugh) to go make a night of it. We walked in and out of 5 bars, getting a drink at one and then settled on the usual spot that is out of the way and has a great beer selection. Not too many tourists. My friend finally met up with us and we all had a lot of fun just chatting and drinking. We stuck around the bar after my sister and her boyfriend left for one more beer and more chatting. I've become really grateful for people in my life that bring out different aspects of my personality. Some friends I hang out with because of common interests, other friends engage me in excellent conversation and other friends are just entertaining and keep things interesting, actually most are. He and I seem to get ourselves into strange conversation or just good theoretical musings (which are always a few beers in)but they make me think and kind of challenge me. I have a few friends that connect with me in that way but just the one in Nashville and then I text Stew when I'm looking for discussions about clinical theories or verbal abuse. 
I'm getting excited for the new week to begin so I can start my internship (I get my own office!) and then see the boy whom I've been missing moreso this week than most. That and I am going to a wedding and likely getting Biggby's, lol. And hopefully seeing my best friend. Yes!

Have a wonderful week, mine is going to rock. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Legally recognized member of the Bible Belt.

I finally had to break down and get a Tennessee driver's license today, mostly under the assumption that I may keep the points from following (that I just earned via a speeding ticket) because it's not been processed yet. We'll see about that. 
I like to think most times that I'm pretty intelligent. I have my moments of blatant stupidity, sometimes concerning specific parts of my life, but overall I do ok for myself. Right now I know there is a lot of underlying stress that I'm feeling regarding school and my impending field placement that starts next week. On top of that we all have social obligations as well which is supposed to be fun but can also add an element of stress as well. It's times like these that part of my brain shuts down and doesn't allow me to feel that stress. Part of me is very thankful, the other part of me tries to figure out why I'm feeling lethargic and moody. Well, duh, I'm overwhelmed. So this is when I make an effort to put things into perspective. I try to find reasons to laugh, reasons to be thankful and ways to have unadulterated fun.
 It's harder to do those things when I'm seeing people that I love struggle. And then I feel guilty for having it easier than them. Four people are some of the most important people to me are dealing with less than ideal situations, everything from medical issues to money trouble and relationship issues. The only thing I want to do is make things better for them. I want a magic wand to make all their troubles go away. Instead I sit here thinking about how fortunate I am. Rawr. Thankfully most of their issues are fixable, it's just going to take time or effort or sacrifice. Thankfully they aren't dealing with some of the situations that the rest of America is dealing with like persistent unemployment, or dealing with issues like those in 'undeveloped' countries where people are attempting to escape persecution and genocide. A woman in Saudi Arabia is going to receive 10 lashes for driving a car since it is still illegal for women to do so there. They may get the right to vote in 2015, baby steps I suppose. 
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, for as much as I wish I could fix everything for everyone that I love, sometimes you just have to watch people struggle once you've exhausted all of your ability to be helpful. That's something that I will also need to keep in mind for the future in my line of work. That doesn't mean that I won't keep trying. 
My reason for laughing today was getting sexually harassed at the Cafe by a man that eluded to ejaculating on me. He was a classy man smoking a cigar and after asking if it was ok to smoke his cigar near me he then suggested that he just blow it on me and told me to 'take that however I wanted." I don't want to take that at all, sir, but thank you.
Reason for being thankful. There were people at the DMV waiting for 3 hours to get processed when my wait was only just over an hour. 
My unadulterated fun: In 30 minutes I'll be heading to the Wild Horse to go see Hanson perform, with reserved seating of course. If that's not a blast from the past I don't know what is. I saw them the last time at the ripe old age of thirteen. Awesome. 
So intense. Actually I hear they are pretty damn talented. It's something to do on a Thursday night. And they love Jesus so what better way to celebrate my new resident status than with some bible thumping boys. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

I walked into a church and wasn't struck by lightning.

I'm currently at the cafe and there is a man dressed in drag with angel wings on. Just another Monday in West End I suppose. People in white tee shirts are congregating as well and I am pretty sure I need to leave soon before I get distracted by all of the people watching, but first things first, blog.
This past week was a hair busy. I have three papers due this week, one of them I was finishing up this morning an hour before it was due, oops. APA citation can suck it. I completed the easy one last week and finished up the third this evening. That doesn't include the reading I'm supposed to be doing that was neglected over the weekend. I was too busy doing sweet things like dancing to Kesha and getting a speeding ticket....ugh.
I headed to Louisville on Thursday after spending a mere 3 full days in Nashville since the last trip. I fail at being a resident of Tennessee lately. JW and I spent Thursday and Friday night in Louisville hanging with his friends and being lazy at home. We abuse the usage of netflix and his couch to an extreme when we are at his house. Oh well. Saturday morning we packed up the car and drove 3 and 1/2 hours to Columbus, OH. Full of Buckeyes and college football enthusiasts. While driving we also came across a festival for dogs...not sure what's involved there but I'd hate to be the one to clean up after that celebration.  We were running a bit behind so there was a lot of speeding in the rental car, I didn't drive on the way there but I did see some of the same 'you're going to hell' billboards in Ohio. When we got to the hotel and checked in we met up with his friends after changing into wedding appropriate clothes. I got to wear the gray dress, woot. The ceremony was at a church, of course and I was uncomfortable, naturally. The words to the hymn that was sang must have escaped me. I also realized that I'm not the only person watching people after the pastor says, 'let us pray.' Yeah I caught you not praying two-year-old toddler.
After the ceremony and making idle conversation with strangers we headed to the reception. Open bar. Sub-par D.J. Open bar. Dancing. 
The wedding and reception made me think about the whole idea of marriage. The pastor said some pretty insightful things about marriage and it just made me wonder why people do it. Not committing to someone for the rest of your life but the whole circus that surrounds it. From what I understand it's a pretty stressful thing to plan a wedding, it's insanely expensive and it lasts just a few hours. When I was 11 I decided I wanted to get married in a field, barefoot. I don't think my mind has been changed. I also want an ice cream cake which I've been told would be a logistical nightmare. Pssh. I want what I want. 
On the way back from Columbus I was tired and was speeding heavily so we could just get back. Mistake. I had to wake J up to tell him we were getting pulled over. No mercy on that ticket and I will be contacting the Circuit court so I can take a driving class to hopefully not get the full 3 points. On top of that I'm supposed to be getting a TN drivers license in a month. Crap. After being pulled over I drove to the nearest gas station, cried for about two minutes and J took the keys so I didn't have to drive anymore. Thankfully. It was also decided that I didn't need to drive another 2.5 hours back to Nashville so I stayed the night. We went to a potluck at his friends and it made me miss that sense of community I used to have in Michigan. I have friends here but it appears that some of us are being pulled apart by schedules and Jesus. Oi.
So here goes the next week, it has already begun and there is much to do. Next Tuesday I will begin my field placement and things will likely become hectic. Welcome to grad school.
Have a lovely week, I hope I will. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

Congrats on your boyfriend not being dead.

Oh what a week it was. I've got class in a few hours so I figured I'd get this in now because the way this week is looking I'm not going to have much time for anything but writing papers for the next week. Rawr.
This week started off with a massive amount of annoyance on Monday from my Social, Economics and Political Environments (512) instructor. We were assigned to take an online quiz over the last 4 weeks of reading and were given a 12 hour window to take it. Not a huge deal, until I started the quiz and realized that the 8 chapters and 10 articles that we were assigned over the last four weeks were expected to be read in such great detail that I was supposed to remember minute facts about all of it. Ok, ok, I get that you want us to read, and I do, but asking us about tiny details from stuff I read four weeks ago seems a little ridiculous. On top of that one of the questions wasn't a complete sentence, one of the questions was from an article that we weren't supplied with and another question was based off of reading that is assigned for next week. What the hell? Please look over your quiz before you make me take it so you know it makes sense. I am ultra-paranoid about my grades and I bombed the quiz. So after taking the quiz I couldn't concentrate and could feel my anxiety sky-rocketing. I went for a run to relax and then talked with some of my classmates the next day all of whom had the same concerns. Blah. So Tuesday my class was canceled but I didn't figure that out until I was already there. My friend and I met for lunch before class and had amazing Thai and headed over together. I think we did a little dance when we realized we didn't have class. It's the little things.
Tuesday evening I got a phone call from my boyfriend after not hearing anything from him all day. At 5p.m. he had just woken up because he was in the emergency room until 7 a.m. I had a mild coronary and found out he had gotten in an accident on his moped. Concussion and sprained shoulder. Yikes. It was decided almost immediately that I would head to Louisville as soon as I was done with classes on Wednesday. After getting there Wednesday night I got to hear him recall the accident with the kids he was in it with and the rest of his gang. From what everyone could gather they were going about 30-35 mph and hit a downed tree and went over their handle bars. All of them were wearing helmets and the guy that came to rescue them said by the looks of their bikes they were lucky to be alive. He then congratulated me on having a boyfriend that was still alive. I was thankful too.
So the rest of the weekend I stayed in Louisville to help Jason with stuff around the house and trying to make sure he was taking it easy. Thankfully by Wednesday he was at least able to put on a shirt and leave the house, baby steps. We spent a lot of the weekend on school work and the other parts being lazy. When I'm in Louisville is the only time I will nap. We also went to the Drive-In, which is one of my favorite things to do together. Drive (with Ryan Gosling) and Horrible Bosses were playing. Drive was pretty amazing especially considering how low my expectations were. It didn't hurt that Christina Hendricks was in it for a bit and I have a massive girl crush on her. It also helped to have homemade slushies yet again. They weren't too slushy by the time we got there but it's the thought that counts. Pretty much my boyfriend is awesome.
Overall, great weekend considering the circumstances. I now have two papers to write and a wedding to go to this coming weekend...bad. I'll figure it out.
Have a great week!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Why does the rhythm get me every time?

Sometimes I wonder if I have a strange sense of humor or if some people just lack one completely. I love college football. I love my Spartans. I was in a bar last night while the U of M/Notre Dame game was going on. There was some turd in a Michigan shirt singing the fight song after they scored. So I asked him, are you from Michigan? To which he replies, 'are you?' And as I am saying yes he high-fived me. That should have been the first sign he was a turd. I said, 'buuuuut, I am a State fan. We had a shut-out today, you guys seem to be struggling.' And I smiled and shook my head and 'tsk-tsked'. He appeared very offended by my ribbing, didn't say a word and turned his back toward me and faced the bar. What the hell? Really guy? You can't handle a little joking? Then I called some guy 'sir' when I was getting his attention to let him know he stole my friend's seat at the bar and he looked at me like I had two heads. Needless to say I wasn't making any friends last night. I mean aside from friend's of friends, I was a big hit with Jeff's friends apparently. I wasn't so popular with the straight patrons of the Melrose. 
Soooo, the week went kind of slow and looking back it doesn't feel like I was driving back from Louisville last Monday, it feels like weeks ago. Ugh. I spent a majority of the week studying and I got to hang with my sister for a few days. I finished unpacking my room and taking some things to storage. Boring things. I spent Friday night babysitting. Again, boring. Saturday I spent a majority of the day driving around East Nashville and West Nashville looking for a dress to wear to a wedding or two. After working on school stuff I met my friend and a few of his friends at the Belcourt Theatre to check out 'The Future' which is the new movie written, produced and starred in by Miranda July. The movie was lovely and I highly recommend it. She also did a questions session over skype live with the audience after the movie which was pretty cool. Drinks and my awkward interactions followed. I did find a dress however, which I was pretty excited about. The bad thing is that I have no friends here to shop with (my only girl friend in Nashville was out of town) so I ended up sending Jen pics of the dresses to get her opinion, gotta love technology. 
It looks like this:
I'm pretty psyched to wear it, it has pockets! Woot. If I ever have an excuse to wear a wedding dress, it will have pockets to keep tissues for the poor sucker agreeing to marry me. That's how much I like pockets in dresses. 

Anyway....Busy school week ahead, even busier one next week. I'm going to power through, hopefully have another fun and productive weekend and keep on trucking. Holy socks am I glad for Skype. Long distance can suck it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

homemade slushies rock my socks

Welp. I just saw a commercial for a TV show starring Zooey Deschanel. Guess I know what I'll be watching this Fall. I love her inappropriate amounts.
So anyway, this week was fantastic. I had class for three days, saw a naked man outside of my apartment, moved and then got to see my boyfriend for five days. Ok so not so much the first couple of things but Wednesday evening I was able to get out of Nashville and head up to Louisville for the long weekend.
Visits involved Ticket to Ride or train game (which I won, twice!), Mario Party on Wii (which I lost, twice-grr) and lots of time spent studying. It works out quite well that Jason and I are both in school because I don't have the self control to put studying time aside when I'm around people I want to spend time with and he's much more studious than I. We worked on a positive reward system. Study and then we get to go on a date. Study and then we go to 21C to check out the museum and Wet Willies (which was closed, damn it). Study and then go cuddle on the couch for hours watching episodes of LOST on netflix. It was a good system. Unfortunately our plans to go to the drive-in didn't work because of the rain but because I was super bummed that Wet Willie's was closed the amazing man made me slushies with his ice cream maker and vodka. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend without slowing down time. I left kind of down that the weekend was over and that we won't be seeing each other for another three weeks. ugh. I'll survive.
On the way home I called my Mom to chat. She had mentioned that her friends went to Detroit to see Obama today which then led to a conversation about politics then the social welfare system. I keep thinking that I am becoming more conservative in my views of the system. I don't know if its age or the things that I'm learning or I'm just finding it harder to fight for a system that has serious flaws in it. Shouldn't that make me want to fight harder to fix it? I'm getting frustrated with my going back and forth on the matter of my concentration. Clinical or Macro? Yeesh. I need to slow it down.
On a totally unrelated note; college football is back and it is officially Fall. YES!! Go green, go white, GO STATE!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Getting romantic with oneself outside of someone else's window.

Some nights are just long. Some nights are just hard. Some nights I wish I didn't see naked men scampering around my apartment while feeling something long and hard.
So the other night I am sitting on my couch in my underpants watching Mad Men like most nights. I hear what sounds like noises you'd hear in the heat of passion, they were loud and sounded like they were right outside my patio. I texted my boyfriend to tell him about the loud sex my neighbors must have been having on their balcony. I will not include what was also said in the discussion, but you get my drift. The next night, same position (on my part) around the same time, Mad Men and a slushie were making my night enjoyable while 'my neighbors' partook in their nightly enjoyment. It was so strange how close it sounded and I just couldn't understand why it sounded like it was on my patio, so I flip the light on and look out the glass door to investigate. Nothing. The next night, same thing. I was becoming a little annoyed with the timeliness and consistency of these moans of pleasure. I wondered if that routine of theirs was getting boring. Saturday night I actually went out so I didn't find out if they were going for a 4th night in a row. Sunday night, same time same place. I even went to the extent of going out my front door to see if I could hear it from anywhere else, they were really loud. Though it was always the same noise and tone. Now we come to Monday night. I switched to Mad Men and a particularly sad episode at that. No sounds. I was overjoyed to not have to awkwardly listen to moaning while I'm watching Betty tell Don she doesn't love him anymore. Phew.
Then my boyfriend makes the usual bedtime phone call. We chat for over an hour and I mention that my neighbors are starting later than usual and they must have taken it to their bedroom this time because I could hear it while laying in bed. I had gotten into a habit of sleeping with a lamp on after the break-in and this night was no different. As I was saying 'goodnight' I saw a movement in my window. The blinds were closed but I was certain I saw something, enough to get my heart racing. So I do what girls do when they get murdered and I investigated outside without a weapon or mace.
This is when things get sticky, thankfully not literally. As I am standing outside of my front door I am looking here:
Imagine it being dark and the only light is coming from behind me. In that space between the buildings I see a man, completely naked, cock in hand run from left to right. I sat for a second rubbing my eyes to make sure I had just seen that correctly. I knew I had when I saw two heads pop around the right side corner of the building. I walked towards the rocks and yelled 'What the **** are you doing?' The only movement I saw was a continuous masturbatory motion in which the only part of the body I saw was hand and penis. Even after yelling the motion continued and I bee-lined for my apartment and called the police. They showed up within 15 minutes, looked around with flashlights and stuck around the parking lot for quite a while. I filed a report. I texted my sister and her and her boyfriend were insistent on coming to get me and not letting me stay there.
This is not the first time in my life I have been confronted with a masturbator. Detroit. That's for another time though.
Ladies and Gentleman, follow your instincts and keep your clothes on in public.
Thank you and have a lovely evening.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Cause there ain’t nothing like your smile

I keep thinking back about this week but it's kind of a blur at this point. I know there was class and a ton of reading, some projects, new friends and trouble making. Ahh yes, now I remember, an interesting class on Wednesday put the week on a strange path.
So have you ever been sitting with people you don't know very well and something happens that makes the situation incredibly uncomfortable? I'm not talking about someone farting and people looking around awkwardly trying not to look guilty. I'm talking about shoulders tensing, heart racing uncomfortable. In my research class we were put into research groups that we will be working with throughout the semester. We were discussing a research topic and naturally people want to add suggestions about things they are interested in. We all added input and I wrote it down on a list. One of my group members continued to attempt to sell her idea for research (which was not a great topic for the project) and after the third time of her telling me what she wanted I rolled my eyes (subconsciously I think) and looked down at the paper to make sure I wasn't crazy and that it was in fact on the paper. Much to my dismay the eye-rolling was noticed and then to my horror it was confronted. My integrity as a social worker was questioned, I was told I was being disrespectful and she berated me in front of of my peers. She made a childish scene and took it very personally (she's a veteran-that was the major point of contention) and then stormed off. After the group all came to their senses and discussed how odd that was we got back to work and finished up. I attempted to speak to her again before leaving to no avail. Yikes. The positive that came out of it was that it opened dialogue to begin a friendship.
That was the only odd happening of the week. The rest of the week involved spending time with my sister, drinks with a friend Thursday night and Saturday night. All the while packing up my poor little apartment and getting things organized to move. Things have to happen I suppose, it's just going to be different. I do look forward to spending time with my sister and her boyfriend.
I'm looking for new tunes, a new hobby and an effective way to stay out of trouble and not spend a ton of money. I can't wait for this upcoming week as I get to spend time with my boyfriend. Now let's just hope we're both not overworked and stressed from school.
Today I spent time with a mix of friends and it was quite nice. It was a short amount of time but I love being able to bring people together. It was also nice to realize that I do have people here, a small amount but it's quality not quantity, right?
Have a great week, I know I will :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Now if only I could find someone to fund that.

I've figured out what I want to do with my life. I want to travel from city to city researching and assessing needs for the city, setting up programs and implementing them. Evaluation could be done after six or 12 months via surveys. Now, who wants to find me that job?

Le sigh. I'm only one week into school. Eight months left of this school year, summer then nine more months and done. I can't stop thinking about the end goal. That's the point, right? Graduating so I can find a job and change the world. Instead I'm also worrying about what I want to do exactly with my degree. Or if I chose the right concentration. Rarg.

I'm rambling. My mind has been going non-stop lately. I love that I'm busy. I love that I have things to look forward to but I don't love that I'm getting so ahead of myself. I need to sloooooow down. Unfortunately there are things that I need to get done and am under time constraints that are no school related. I have to pack up my entire apartment. I've had to make a decision to leave my apartment to be more financially responsible and I'm leaving much sooner than I anticipated. Alas, it will be for the better. I may actually get to see my sister once in a while and I won't be obligated to any kind of lease so if perhaps, I don't know, I spent the summer somewhere else it wouldn't be an issue. There I go getting ahead of myself again. Routine is good. Schedules are good and keep me consistent. I just need to keep this momentum. And the people watching at the cafe has been pretty damn good as well. That's as much of a motivator to study as good grades. And the amazing weather because soon enough it will be Fall and gorgeous.
One long day of classes left and I am done for the week. The rest of the time will be spent studying, packing and wishing time would go faster so I could see that boy that makes me smile so much.