Sunday, January 27, 2013

Zero to stupidity in 2 seconds flat

Its insane to me how easy it is for anxiety to seep in.
Background: I noticed that I was no longer friends with a classmate on Facebook and I couldn't remember if I un-friended her or if she un-friended me. This is silly already, but there's a point in here somewhere. So I began to wonder why someone would de-friend me (BECAUSE its life-threatening, right?) and then came to the conclusion that I had offended this person in some way. My first thought was it was likely a religious comment, because as much as I try not to offend, I have never had anything very positive to say about the South or their infatuation with putting Jesus into everything. My distaste for the tendency to put Christianity on this pedestal and not acknowledge that other people have different beliefs makes me crazy(350 million Buddhists and 1.6 Billion Muslims must be mistaken)*. I'm generalizing the views of the entire South, which always makes for an effective argument (obviously) but there it is. I'm constantly worried that I am going to offend someone and I need to knock it off, because then I get thrown into this whirlwind of anxiety that then leads to more anxiety about bigger, more important things. Not only that but when it stems from my thoughts on religion there is the inevitable guilt that comes along with it (and I wasn't even raised Catholic). The beautiful parts of religion (any religion) always get stepped on or misinterpreted to hurt people. My hippie tendency to ask the question, "Can't we all just get along?" exposes its little, naive head. 
Unfortunately that was a very small piece of my thought process that led me here.
I then start worrying about classes, Comps, graduating, jobs, friends, relationships, you name it I thought about it and decided I needed to figure out a way to FIX EVERYTHING! After minutes of rushing thoughts about visiting old friends, studying instead of sleeping and applying to jobs RIGHT NOW I came back to reality. That's when I say, Shannon shut up, it's after 10 pm on a Sunday, what are you going to do about it tonight? Nothing. As much as I want to solve all of my potential problems, I need to consider that these are not even really problems. My life is great, the people I love know that I love them and miss them and I'm usually pretty intelligent so I will figure all of the school stuff out. I consider being more intentional about connecting with people but also need to remember that it is a two way street.
So all-in-all fifteen minutes or so worrying about everything then talking myself back to a normal level of worry/doubt/anxiety is much better than it ever was. So the next time I go from 0-60 in .002 seconds flat I need to remember the following:
-Where is this worry coming from?
-Am I being ridiculous?
-How is this remedied without creating more anxiety?
-Where does the importance of this rate on a scale of feeling chilly to being set on fire?
-Get the eff off of Facebook and focus on something more important-like anything else.

List making is fun and relatively effective. Give it a shot sometime. Maybe use a better scale for level of importance that is suited to your needs. You may hate feeling chilly. Most of the time I state out loud something about chilly willy, laugh and grab a hoodie, so its pretty minor for me.

*Those stats are from wikipedia so maybe don't run off and cite them as credible just yet. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Hooray for being competent!

Lately I’ve been thinking about little changes. Changes that benefit me, my roommates, my way of functioning, etc. So far the only thing I’ve really concluded is that more sleep would do me some good and to get back on track as far as healthy eating. With everything that I have going on in my life that keeps me so busy there are little things that I can do to head in the right direction. And not in the direction toward crazy-town, which is where grad school wants to send me on a regular basis.
So far the semester has started off on the right foot. All of my classes look like they are going to be interesting and useful. My internship has been going quite well too. I really can't complain about any of it. (YET-ha) Work has been fine as well. I also keep getting things piled on me and have been asked to take the lead on some minor things because apparently I am a very competent individual. Hooray for being competent and extra work.
I did however find out that the trip I was hoping to go on won't be a possibility because of my schedule, my Comps and Jason's spring break. BIG bummer. We are hoping to plan something for the weeks between my classes ending and graduation, pending any job commitments I may have. (If I get a job). We'll figure it out. The plan is to get out of the country and Rome was the idea....I still need to get that passport I've been talking about getting for the last 3 years. Priorities, right?
Super Awesome things to be happy about:
My roommate boyfriend
My best friend roommate
My family
A running car
A great internship
Supportive mentor-types
Not worrying about things that I always worry about
Making positive changes
New clothes and rediscovered shoes
Friends (even if you just have to text)
game nights

Have a wonderful week!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

wrapping it all up with a big shiny bow

I've sat down a few times over the past few weeks to write about what I've been up to, but it's much more fun to continue being up to things rather than writing about them. However as this vacation comes to a close I thought it might be time to reflect on these last few weeks of freedom before I get chained to the helm of yet another semester. The beginning of my FINAL semester of graduate school is fast approaching and lately I have been wondering if I'm really ready. I REALLY like 5 week breaks in between semesters and summers filled with jobs that are 8 week long commitments. And as stressful as those semesters are there is always an end date in sight.
Ok, I should stop thinking about school before it has even begun. 

These last few weeks have been awesome. They have been filled with late nights, lots of time with my best friends and a lot of irresponsibility (my version of it anyway, I'm still a worrier, lets be honest). My best friend and I watched a lot of bad tv, we went to the movies without the lingering guilt about reading and papers, I read Bossy Pants by Tina Fey (I now love her more if that's even possible) and The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman. I spent mornings on the couch with my giant mug of coffee and reading the news on my computer. I did all of the things I usually reserve for the weekends that I don't have to work. I made a piece of art for my roommate for Christmas that turned out well (which is a miracle considering how abysmally crafty I am). Jason and I traversed Michigan for 5 days only spending more than 24 hours in one location, it was fun but towards the end I was ready to come back home. We all spent New Years Eve together eating breakfast, cleaning the house and seeing Django Unchained before abusing our livers with alcohol while ringing in the new year. 

That pretty much brings it to today, the first day of the new year. 
I'm not really one for New Years' resolutions, mostly because I consistently fail at them. After 27 years you kind of have to know to just give up the ghost, its not going to happen. I do like the thought of having an opportunity to reflect on the last year and evaluating how things went, what you hoped would happen, what worked out in your favor, etc. I was a very lucky girl in 2012 and I hope that luck continues. l have a great house where I live with my amazing boyfriend, my best friend and the 2 best cats and 3 best chickens any girl could ask for. I live in a city that seems to mostly match my way of thinking and provides a lot of adventure and exploration in the future. I have an amazing family that I see less of than I prefer but whom I think about constantly. And I have plans, things to look forward to and several goals to obtain. Even on my worst days where I let my anxiety get the best of me I still have so many things to keep me going and for that I am thankful. I have achieved a lot of things in 2012 and have learned even more. I just know that want to be braver, smarter and even more driven in the year to come and obviously keep kicking ass. 
So 2013, let's kick some ass.