Sunday, October 30, 2011

Look, you started the handicap seating over here!

Wowza, my arms are tired. My legs are tired. My everything is tired. Crutches are like a workout machine at the gym. None that I've ever used but that's not saying much. I found it to be very effective in working out the arm I use to punch with, be afraid....pssh.
This week was a roller coaster. It started off with me missing class on Monday thus not being able to meet with my group or get the results back on a paper I turned in. My prof keeps promising to post the grades but has yet to do so which is driving me crazy. Tuesday I didn't take my pain meds so that I could drive to my internship. I only stayed for four hours and they were rough. My body was still adjusting to being out and about as well as not having my foot elevated. I held it together long enough to get thai and receive my birthday presents from my Mom, who enjoys shopping for purses and wallets even more than me. I was gifted with a laptop bag and a wallet both from fossil, they rock. Wednesday was 7 hours of class and a meeting with my prof about our group project for research. Thankfully we didn't have much to edit and we did a pretty good job. It feels good to have the semester start to wrap up. Thursday was a little rough, I woke up feeling bad and had zero motivation or energy to do much of anything. On top of that my Mom was leaving that day and my sister was going back to work so I knew that I was going to be on my own. I came home from field placement and  crashed on the couch for the rest of the night. Friday I did the internship again and it was a bit better. I found myself looking for an excuse to leave the house, though going in most places is a huge pain in the ass. 
Saturday I woke up feeling much better and decided to venture out to work on some papers and projects. That turned into lunch with a friend and then the two of us meeting up with two other friends to go to a bonfire in Whites Creek.  I was a bit apprehensive worrying about the logistics of seats, uneven ground and wet grass, yeesh. Thankfully I had friends to help out and I made it just fine. There was another kid on crutches that put his seat close to mine while the bands were playing, so we had our own handicap section far enough away from the kids that danced and pushed each other around. The highlight of the party was Gumby pretending to hump the bass player from behind and was completely oblivious. People watching at parties like that makes my night. There was a huge range in age of people there, a lot younger than us but we also saw a man in his 60's with a watermelon painted on his face....still not sure if he was supposed to be a mixed up Care Bear or what. We stayed long enough to freeze our asses off and my exposed toes had no feeling left in them at that point so the most obvious thing to do was to go get ice cream. We hung out around Steak and Shake for over an hour bullshitting and making fun of each other. It was exactly what I needed, even if it reminded me of high school. 
I'm getting around much better and I don't get so tired and sore on the crutches anymore. I need to remind myself to slow down sometimes before I fall off a curb. Give it time, I'm a klutz. 
Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my mishap so I'm thinking I'm doing pretty good as far as progress goes. I have an appointment on Wednesday where I will get this stupid cast off (hopefully!) and maybe a boot. I'm afraid these crutches are here to stay for a while. I'm hoping to be off of them before Christmas. Fingers crossed. 
Next weekend may involve venturing out of the city....we'll have to see what the doctor says. 
So, in closing...there are just a few perks of being on crutches.
1. People are super helpful, even strangers.
2. I'm getting ripped! (hah, ok just less chubby)
3. They are an acceptable excuse to use an elevator or motorized cart (which I have yet to take advantage of).
4. It keeps me from going shopping and spending money I shouldn't. 

I'm able to maneuver myself pretty well already, next week, tricks. 
Have a lovely week :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

the ABC's of FML

Warning: any incoherence or grammatical errors can be directly linked to the pain killers that I just swallowed, so please excuse the nonsense. What's the excuse for the errors in all of the other posts you ask? Shut your face.
Ok, so it's a bit dramatic to say 'f**k my life' but these last few days have been associated with a few of those thoughts. If you weren't already aware of what's going on, check the last post. So after breaking my ankle I failed at being able to do much of anything productive because most of the time before the surgery if I sat for longer than 30 minutes I would start falling asleep. Pain killers are extremely effective at sedation for me. If only I had known this while dealing with insomnia in college. Anyway, my Mom decided that since I was unable to help my sister with her gallbladder surgery she needed to come down to give us all a hand. Thankfully! I tried very hard to stay positive between Monday after finding out I needed surgery until Friday when the actual surgery took place. I struggled with the reality of it when I had a consult with the orthopedic surgeon and he talked about the plates and screws he wanted to connect to my bones and how it was going to be an 8-12 week healing process. Tuesday I made it a point to cry for no reason in front of a nurse, the surgeon and my sister's boyfriend. Hooray for hormones! By Wednesday I had gotten acclimated to the drugs I was on and was also able to shower so things seemed to take a turn for the better. A shower can make all the difference in the world sometimes I swear. No one likes to be the stinky kid. 
I tried my best to make light of the situation and looked for just about any excuse to leave the house for even just a few minutes. After hucking it through Walgreen's on my crutches I decided that was all the adventure I needed in one day so I came home and ate dinner and then napped like a baby. Thursday I was coherent enough to read a bit for school and do some research for group projects. My Mom showed up on Friday to take me in to get sliced and diced...(the incisions are probably minuscule...) and I tried to make jokes with the nurse that was prepping me for surgery and my anesthesia. My joking didn't help to calm my nerves and my heart rate was too high for their liking so they gave me something to calm me down before even putting me to sleep. On top of that the anesthesiologist introduced the back of my knee to an ultrasound to locate the nerves connected to my ankle and foot. After figuring out where they were he injected those nerves with a nerve blocker that numbed my entire lower leg from knee to toes. It felt just like getting your mouth numbed for a cavity and was such a strange feeling to have in such a large area of your body. What I didn't know at the time was how bad it was going to suck to get feeling back in that large area again. I was pretty out of it when they woke me up from the surgery and I don't really remember getting in the car but once I got my bearings I was on a mission to get home. I wanted to elevate my foot and put something it my belly because I wasn't allowed to eat after midnight the previous night and at this point it was 5 pm. My Mom got me home to join my sister who was laid up on one couch and I took the other. We ate and relaxed and before long my boyfriend was there to help out for the weekend. He brought me gorgeous flowers with roses, lilies and daisies all fall colors. I was glad to be done with surgery and I didn't feel too bad. I got around the house ok when I needed to and my level of pain was kind of minimal with the pain meds. Friday night after Mom and Jill went to bed we watched episodes of the Walking Dead so I could catch up. Saturday I was still feeling ok enough to get up and shower but realized after being up and around that my nerve blocker was beginning to wear off. That's when the pins and needles started in my toes to the back of my calf. I began feeling worse throughout the day on Saturday though cupcakes for my birthday from GiGi's made it more bearable. Sunday I woke up in an intense amount of pain and was glad to have the boy taking care of me. He woke up with me and comforted me after getting me what I needed. I am a lucky girl. 
I joked that I was going to have bedsores by the end of the weekend and I swear I'm working on them. I'm so sick of being forced to lay down with my left ankle elevated. Every time I would so much as move my legs toward the end of the couch my mom, sister or boyfriend would be asking me what I needed. 
It's getting harder to focus on the screen without my eyes crossing....yeesh. I hope I start feeling ok enough to leave the house and go to class tomorrow. The back of my leg and my ankle feel like they are on fire when I'm up for longer than 30 seconds which was not thee case before surgery but soon I think that will go away. 
So let this be a lesson to you, breaking your ankle sucks balls, especially right before your 26th birthday. 
Have a wonderful week....

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Adventures in breaking my ankle...this sucks

I'm really not the lay around all day type so having to decide between getting out of bed and ungracefully hobbling around on crutches or staying in bed honestly is a frustrating decision. These crutches have already managed to bruise the inside of my arms. It takes a good 5 minutes to get to the bathroom that's 2 feet from my door, use it and then return. My day yesterday started off well, I slept in til 9:30, got school stuff done then made some lunch before heading to class. After class I decided that I didn't want to start studying quite yet because it was too damn nice out not to enjoy the weather. That decision led to this: 
That is what a dislocated foot, two broken bones and torn tendons looks like. I did this by simply carving around the bowl at Metro skatepark. I had been skating for about an hour and was just kind of skating at my leisure, in no rush to throw any tricks (in my limited bag of tricks). I was riding my board between a mini within the bowl itself and then rolled over into a deeper bowl. As I was turning to go back down the bowl I was rolling back into it at an odd angle and when I went to correct my direction I somehow managed to get my left foot trapped under my board causing me to trip. As I was falling forward my foot twisted and stayed underneath the board causing a very loud POP! within my ankle. I felt my foot dislocate as I was falling to the concrete. I layed there for just a second before sitting up to assess the damage, knowing it felt different than a sprain. I pulled up the leg of my jeans to see that my ankle was already swelling, within the 15 seconds it had been since I fell. I wasn't sure what to do next so I did what seemed like common sense and attempted to get up so I could get out of the bowl. After steadying myself on my right foot I tested my left foot to see how much weight I could put on it. Then I experienced the grossest feeling I have ever felt when I felt my foot give way and the bones inside of my ankle squish around inside my skin. I sat right back down and when doing so could feel my foot involuntary going in any direction it wanted to. The pain didn't really start until after I called a friend over to help me get out of the bowl. After much effort and crabwalking backwards up the ramp and feeling my foot squish and rock with every movement of my leg that's when things started to get a little hairy. I left my shoe on because I was pretty certain I heard that it's better to keep it on with ankle injuries but I could feel pressure building in my foot and was starting to lose feeling. Every time I moved my leg my foot would absorb the shock from moving it while kind of moving about all willy nilly and doing it's own thing. Every time that happened I was trying to keep from crying out in pain while doing some weird breathing exercises that probably looked like Lamaze as I sat there holding onto my leg. After debating on calling an ambulance to get my out of there it was determined that trying to move on my own wasn't a good idea. This 14 year old kid called 911  and two firetrucks and an ambulance was there within minutes. I was beyond embarrassed and was conscious of how there was no way I was going to cry in front of all of these people. The paramedics offered pain medication which I declined because I just wanted them to get me out of there, instead I made sarcastic jokes about being old and the position I was in. They were all super nice and told me I was a trooper. After getting in the ambulance and being rattled around on the stretcher they offered pain meds again which I accepted. At that point they could have offered me heroin and I would taken it. Being in the ambulance freaked me out and I started getting overwhelmed with wondering what my insurance was going to cover, how I was going to get my car, who was going to come pick me up, etc. Knowing my sister was at work I called her boyfriend and couldn't hold it together any longer and started crying. What is it about talking to someone about the issue that triggers that? Weird. He had rehearsal that evening and I had no idea what time I would be done at the hospital. I then called my sister to give her a head's up and let her know what was going on. I then texted my boyfriend and he immediately called our mutual friend and asked her to meet me at the hospital and to bring ice cream. Ha. This resulted in me calling him and yelling.  He then yelled at me for being stubborn and said it wasn't negotiable. Yeah, which one of us is stubborn? He was right, I was glad to have Julia there because it gave me someone to talk to and be less freaked out. I had x-rays after being told it was either a dislocation with significant tearing of the tendons or a fracture. Turns out I had both! I'm an overachiever even when it comes to injuring myself. The doctor was quite impressed with the extent at which I dislocated my foot because apparently it dislocated so badly my foot was pushed two inches forward and out further than what it was supposed to. After telling me all of this I was informed I would be getting surgery possibly that night and that they needed to pop my foot back into place. Ugh, the feeling of my foot being pulled and jostled back into place is very vivid still. Thankfully they gave me a mild sedative to handle the pain. My nurse and doctor were both super nice and humored me when I was joking around with them. After one more x-ray the doctor put a soft cast on me and told me that I was going home and needed to call the orthopedic surgeon in the morning so that I could have surgery as soon as possible (before the week was over). Julia was so helpful in getting me to the pharmacy and then home. The drugs they gave me make me really tired but help reduce the pain. I'm panicking about missing school and my internship though my supervisor has been really nice and understanding. We'll see what happens. From what I understand my breaks were here:

               Surgery soon but until then I look like this:

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Well if you ask me nicely.....still no.

I think with my birthday coming up I have become a bit 'age obsessed' as of late. Last night a kid guessed my age correctly. It made me sad. I used to look a lot younger than my age. Turning 26 really isn't that big of a deal, I just don't want to look 26. I'll be glad for the age when you stop being so looks obsessed. I have a friend that thinks its funny to tell me that after the age of 25 women are old. I already feel old, yeesh. Maybe it's because 10 years ago I thought my future self would have been done with school with a successful job and married by this time. I am not close to achieving any of those. Yay me. 
For my birthday I'm giving myself another 10 years to make those things happen. Happy early Birthday to me. 
Another thing I realized last night. I have zero interest in being in a extremely crowded bar at 2 in the morning watching men trying to 'seal the deal' with their prospective victims. That Southern charm seems to be quite effective with a lot of women in downtown Nashville. At that point it's not people watching its me attempting to telepathically convince women to be less drunk and stop making out with that mistake in front of you and avoid the regret and random phone number saved in your phone as 'Br8ia)y.' Those are the kind of numbers that have an expiration date of last call at the bar you're at. Someone should make an app for that. Any number saved after 1 am with an incoherent name should just automatically be erased while you are sleeping to avoid the shame and embarrassment in the morning. I don't know how to develop software so if you steal that idea at least give me partial credit. Call it 'Regret Ninja' because it's silent and quick.
My week went about like this: school, internship, read, repeat.
I don't recall anything exciting or out of the ordinary throughout the week. I did have an easier time in my research class and got motivated to start some projects early. My sleep schedule has been drastically changed due to my internship and I am usually running on a solid 5 hours on a daily basis. Needless to say I made up for some of that loss of sleep over the weekend.
The weekend involved some mixed feelings. MSU beat U of M. That's always a cause for celebration. I made some extra money by way of babysitting. I had some interactions that were not ideal and I began to realize some things about some people that I've been disconnected with as of late. 
I have a really hard time dealing with people that are judgmental but deny judging. Don't be passive aggressive. Don't tell me you're joking when you're not. That's all. People don't always enjoy when I'm honest with them but it's a lot less hurtful when I do it. I'm not saying I always do that. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue and play nice but not with someone you really respect. 
Ok, so let's end this on a positive note....I have 6 weeks left of this semester and it feels so good. The break between semesters is a much anticipated hiatus from all things responsible and spending more time with the boy. I think that only cheers me up so for everyone else...

Monday, October 10, 2011

I'm not going anywhere..

Suffice it to say, I did not want to return to Nashville this morning. I knew what was ahead of me; school, internship and lots and lots of reading. The weekend was perfection. The days prior to Thursday night were not so much...
As I mentioned I started my internship this week. I was scheduled to start the internship on Tuesday morning at 9 a.m. I left with a lot of extra time anticipating the Nashville traffic to be crap in the morning and it's supposed to take 30 solid minutes to get there anyway. I left at 8:05 a.m. and was sitting still on the highway by 8:15 a.m. After doing this for 15 minutes I turned on the radio to listen to traffic and called my supervisor to let her know I was stuck. I then waited for 30 minutes and by this time I was supposed to be there. My supervisor called to see if I had moved...I had...inches. She called back 25 minutes later to tell me that she and the director had meetings in the afternoon and I should just start the following day. Two minutes later, traffic starts moving and I'm off the highway. A semi jack-knifed and brought traffic to a complete halt for most of Nashville. I heard people talking it later in the day saying that some people didn't get to work til 10:30 a.m. Yeesh. So I took the rest of the day to eat lunch with my sister and her bf and then read for the rest of the day. Wednesday morning I left the house again with a ton of extra time and ended up getting to my internship incredibly early. Naturally. The day went well. A lot of it was spent talking, an extended lunch and then a meeting with one of the agencies with contract work with. That evening I participated in eating some very southern food and went to a chicken shack for 'hot chicken.' That's how its referred to down here. It just means spicy as fuck until your mouth is on fire and you are chugging water. I powered through. Apparently it was done on Man v Food and my sister's bf and his friend wanted to take the challenge. It was really good as were the sides but I'm about done with traditional Southern cooking for a little while. Especially after experiencing turnip greens on the same day and finding out how they were prepared AFTER eating them. Yuck. Thursday I got very acquainted with the Workforce Investment Act Youth handbook and introduced myself to nearly every person in the building. Everyone is super nice. Some people are funny and sarcastic, others are pretty straight-laced, including my direct supervisor so I just need to keep it professional. I'm feeling pretty optimistic about it. 
Immediately after my day was done I made the trek to Louisville. Oh Louisville. That city and that man have my heart for sure. 
Thursday we stayed inside and made dinner, well he made dinner I watched. Friday we drove up to Grand Rapids to be at his friend's wedding. The drive up was gorgeous! We got to see all of the amazing fall colors all the way up to Michigan. It made me miss Michigan like crazy. The wedding was a wedding. It was the total opposite of what I would expect many of my friend's weddings to look like. I'm going to keep all other opinions to myself because religion is a tricky subject. After the wedding we needed to find drinks so we went downtown GR for the remainder of the evening with another friend of Jason's who is hilarious. One of the funniest kids I've ever met. Jason and I drove over the Lansing and had a really great talk about life in general. Car rides have a tendency to be the venue for deep conversations, which I enjoy. 
Saturday we got to spend time with my very best friends and took advantage of being in Michigan. I even got to surprise Scuba for his birthday and learned that I unwittingly made an enemy of my ex's wife while trying to do the exact opposite of that about a year ago. Oh well. Sunday was spent driving back, outlet shopping (window shopping for me) and then games with friends. 
AHHmazing weekend had to come to an end. Damn.
So, if you need a place for hot chicken or meat and 3's come visit and I'll send you in that direction and won't be following. The South is so weird with their food. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

It's almost Fall here.

It's already October! I'm shivering a little and it's like 60* out. Uh oh. The leaves have started to change just a little. 
This week kind of flew by and for that I am thankful. I definitely didn't spend as much time studying as I normally do but for some reason my profs decided to take it easy on us this week. I'm guessing that's due to field placement starting next week. 
On Thursday I went to see Hanson at the Wild Horse. I discussed that in the last post. I will say this, hearing women scream 'Taylor, Taylor' with drink in hand just makes the experience a lot less innocent than what it sounded like when I was thirteen. Kind of weird. I still had a good time and I got to hang out for part of the time at the lighting console with my sister's coworkers. On the way to my car I randomly bumped into one of my classmates (thankfully one that I like) and she introduced me to her friends as, 'one of the smartest girls in my class.' I laughed but it was mildly flattering, especially since she's quite smart herself. She's also from Michigan so maybe that's the connection. 
Friday night I babysat for the couple I normally sit for and got done early. I left in kind of a odd mood and hunted around for something to do. I ended up playing pool with Joe and a few of his friends. I really enjoy hanging out with new people, especially when they don't seem too offended with my mouth. I was in a strange state and just kind of let it fly the whole night. When I do that I typically assess any damage done after the night is over and second guess myself and interactions with people. It also got me thinking about institutionalized racism based on my observations at the bar that night. Random but my brain doesn't turn off from my social work perspectives sometimes.
Saturday I spent the day hanging with my sister. We went shopping (of course) and had Thai. The food was amazing and I can't wait to take other people to that restaurant. I also got an early birthday present in the form of a trench that I fell in love with after trying it on. My sister is an enabler at times because I have a clothes addiction. 
It's getting a hair ridiculous but I justified it by saying that I'm in need of dress clothes for work and this jacket will be perfect when it gets cooler and I need a dress jacket. Problem solved. 
We spent the rest of the day perusing and then realized we needed were running terribly late for the evening festivities. My friend's band was playing at 3rd and Lindsley and since he's rarely in town we make an effort to see him whenever he is. I'm still not a fan of country music but the girl he plays for is incredibly good and entertaining so it works for me. After the show we went downtown (ugh) to go make a night of it. We walked in and out of 5 bars, getting a drink at one and then settled on the usual spot that is out of the way and has a great beer selection. Not too many tourists. My friend finally met up with us and we all had a lot of fun just chatting and drinking. We stuck around the bar after my sister and her boyfriend left for one more beer and more chatting. I've become really grateful for people in my life that bring out different aspects of my personality. Some friends I hang out with because of common interests, other friends engage me in excellent conversation and other friends are just entertaining and keep things interesting, actually most are. He and I seem to get ourselves into strange conversation or just good theoretical musings (which are always a few beers in)but they make me think and kind of challenge me. I have a few friends that connect with me in that way but just the one in Nashville and then I text Stew when I'm looking for discussions about clinical theories or verbal abuse. 
I'm getting excited for the new week to begin so I can start my internship (I get my own office!) and then see the boy whom I've been missing moreso this week than most. That and I am going to a wedding and likely getting Biggby's, lol. And hopefully seeing my best friend. Yes!

Have a wonderful week, mine is going to rock.