Is it awkward yet?

I talk a lot about feeling awkward, being awkward, awkward situations and sometimes how I overcome the awkward. I make random noises when I get nervous or strange faces when I'm not sure what to say. If you put me in a room with an ex boyfriend, clown and fundamentalist Christian you would see a series or seizure like movements that hint at a combination of shrugging my shoulders and straightening out every piece of clothing that I'm wearing while tucking my hair behind my ears. My head would explode because in my head I would be having ten different conversations all related to making the situation less uncomfortable. I worry too much about how other people feel at times but then just sit in silence because I'm not sure what to say, cue the contortionist use of my facial muscles as I search for the right expression. I put my foot in my mouth or sometimes say things that are totally off base or inappropriate because my line of thinking or sense of humor is somewhere else completely. I was put in one too many of those situations this past week. 

This week I seem to remember a lot of working and not a lot of earning. I received my first paycheck from Americorps and I then remembered what it was like to be back in college. I don't want to be college poor again. I just need to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it as I make ramen noodles and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the next month at the same time growing an ulcer in my stomach lining the size of a golf ball due to financial worry. Ugh. "You don't know what you've got til it's gone." Sing it Cinderella. Not the Cinderella that gets the Prince, the 80's glam band that my Mom used to listen to on the home stereo. And you wonder why I act like I do, I grew up listening to cock rock and glam rock those can't be good for a developing child's brain. 

Anyway, I digress. I pretty much feel like I'm a bit of a rockstar at work or my boss may be lulling me into some false sense of security and will then attack when I least suspect it. However, I was offered an opportunity to make this 8 week job into a 12 month job starting at the end of my term in August. This I must think about for a few days considering what else will be starting up in August and financial stuff. It was a bit flattering though when offering me the position she told me she thought I was 'great' and I 'fit right in.' This is a feat considering hours earlier I was attempting to stifle my laughter when the Substance Abuse presenter began talking about 'Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome.' Now apparently this is what happens to people that huff or sniff things like dusters or aerosol cans. Reread that name and tell me that is not ridiculous. So in a room full of 40 people all intently listening I was sitting next to my boss biting the inside of my cheek in order to keep myself from audible giggling. She saw it and kind of chuckled and when I later brought it up she laughed. At the time, awkward. 

The rain off and on all week kept me from being able to skate. I did go running a few times and danced around my apartment a bit. Laziness won. Resaling and drinks happened. I'm feeling disconnected from people and that makes things awkward for me. I wonder if I'm the only one that is thinking those things though. I miss the boy and sadly I won't see him for a few more days. Today I saw my friend's band play their last show due to two of the band members moving. It was cool to go to a show and chat with people and have some familiarity with the scene. There is a certain person however that continues to be a thorn in my side because he just can't seem to let go of shit and insists on making things awkward. I prevailed and was comfortable around everyone else and made conversation with everyone else. I will continue to try to settle things.

So I am all packed up for my work trip to Columbia, South Carolina. I was asked last Wednesday if I would go, all expenses paid to a conference. Duh, yes I will get out of the office for an entire week. I'll be returning on Wednesday night or Thursday morning and won't go back to the office until July 5th, woot. 

Have a wonderful week.