Lately I've been having a lot of conversations with myself (inner monologue not schizophrenic ramblings) and other people about past relationships, boys, the challenges of relationships, blah blah you get the drift. Yesterday I spoke to my ex about relationships, expectations and feelings. It was an extremely productive conversation and it resulted in a therapeutic sense of release. It wasn't even awkward. It was calming to speak to someone that knows me very well and get some insights on how I work as a partner (or don't work in that case).
So today while at work I was chatting with my coworker after leaving the Rutherford County Chamber of Commerce to scope out an area to host a training (my job is so grueling- I know). I have a total of two coworkers and a Director so it's a pretty small crowd. My coworker, we'll call her Frenchy (cos she's been talking about her latest vacation to...you guessed it, France) was talking about her boyfriend and their relationship. She's been married and divorced and has no intention of remarrying or cohabitating with anyone else possibly ever. Then she pointed out that you look for people that fit your means, what you want out of them. That makes perfect sense of course because if your intention is to one day have kids or get married you're going to date people that are 'marriage material' or at least hope they are for your sake. She asked me about my relationship and if I thought it would go anywhere. She then said something pivotal and epiphany-esque that I felt the need to share it. She said that in her marriage and other relationships in the past she looked at the man's potential. She said 'it's great if a man has the potential to be successful or a great person or really smart but I was dating that person not the person that they will be in the future.' My brain imploded because I knew precisely what she meant by that. I am a repeat offender of that crime. In the past I always looked at a boy and said, "he's so smart and has so much promise or potential" and then I expected that person to come around and become those things I thought that they could be and then was disappointed when they didn't fulfill my expectations. DUH! Of course they aren't going to become those things if they don't have the drive to do so. I have the potential to be a lawyer or insanely thing but I'm not going to be those things because I don't have the motivation or willingness to do those things at this point in my life. How could I expect someone to be something if I don't have the desire to be the things they may want me to be. So it completely clicked. It was there in my head all along but until someone else spoke those words and explained it in that way it was just pieces floating around my head. Frenchy is a fucking relationship genius. That conversation made my day. EVERY single person I have dated in the past followed that line of thinking and now I understand why it didn't work (for good reason). They have all contributed in some way or another to who I am as a person and how I respond to relationships which for that I am thankful. I respect and appreciate all of them.
Along those same lines I was thinking about my current love interest and realized that I'm so happy with how things are going because I'm not expecting or waiting for him to become this amazing person. He already is an amazing person and if he didn't change at all I would be totally happy with that or if he decided to change for himself then I would support that fully. Thankfully I think he is on that same page with that. He likes me for who I am right now.
I am totally done talking about boys and relationships for at least the next thirty minutes ;)
Anyway, I hope that this made sense to at least one other person because I think that is an excellent piece of information that I learned today.
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