Today I've thought a lot about frustration tolerance and making concessions. At my job I've learned over the last four years that when working with teenagers (especially at-risk) that a lot of patience is needed and concessions will be made. It's completely acceptable to have expectations for people and teens need those expectations of them (and children in general). What was hard to learn was that progress is a sloooooooow process that involves making all kinds of exceptions. When a client calls you a 'fucking bitch' every day it's extremely hard to bite your tongue but eventually after patience and redirection and consequences it turns into 'bitch' and then maybe after more of that they will start calling you by your name. Baby steps. I've pretty much become immune to the words bitch, ho, fuck, nigga, etc. I was called a cracker today which I don't get too often so it was a nice change of pace. It's extremely hard not to be sarcastic with the kids as well, I almost said 'thanks' after being called a name but decided I'm around too many concrete thinkers to be facetious. Asshole is my favorite moniker for clients that are grating my nerves, and this is said in my head and often times after I say it in my head I end up telling myself that it's what they learned not necessarily who they are so knock it off. There's a whole lot of dialogue going on in my head on a regular basis at work. It's a frustrating process because you know that children aren't born disrespectful or defiant it's what they learn growing up. Most of the time I just want to kick parents.
In relating to my life in general I don't have much tolerance or patience, either that or I use all of it up at work and don't have any left for anyone else. That explains the demise of the relationship with the boyfriend I lived with a few years ago, I'd come home from work and all of my patience and support would have been used up with none left for anyone else. It's hard to be in a successful relationship when you spread yourself too thin. I find myself yelling at other drivers or calling them names, sometimes names I've gotten from the kids. Though I can't say I've called anyone a 'pineapple head looking ass.' Too many syllables when you need something concise and biting. In my personal relationships I have high expectations for people but don't give them the same thought or concessions as I do the clients I work with and it's rare that I say 'so and so is probably just having a bad day.' Instead I act like a dick and shut them out if they disappoint me. Sounds familiar....It also kind of makes me wonder if I can be a good friend, girlfriend, sister, etc if give all of my patience and tolerance to my clients. Unfortunately I think if I had more patience for some things in my personal life I wouldn't be struggling with some of the things I'm experiencing right now. It's hard to be patient when you have no idea how long you'll have to wait.
I don't like the idea that I can't improve people and that they have to improve themselves even if they can't understand why it's needed. I realize that sounds arrogant but I don't pretend to know what an ideal person acts like or looks like. I just look at the kids I work with and it breaks my heart that had they had the right support or childhood they could be in completely different places right now. It's not fair that they have to suffer for their parent's decisions. It constantly makes me wonder why my life has seemed to have been so easy compared to other peoples. It's frustrating and motivating. Mostly I just want to kick more parents.
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