Over this last week there was a lot of self-indulgent, psychoanalytic thinking going on, more so than usual at least. I've concluded what I always conclude; you are the only person on Earth that cares your roots are showing, your hair is a mess, your necklace doesn't go with your outfit, etc, boys are boys and will simply be that no matter what age (and they are simple), and finally I need to shut up talking (to myself)...work joke..ahem.
On the first point; I'm not a teenage girl anymore and I am not the center of the universe so I need to just stop worrying so much about the vain, narcissistic crap that I worry about.
On the second point; men are simple, much more simple than women want to believe they are and I have known this for a while. Men don't send subliminal messages, subtle hints or gesture they hope are interpreted as something more deep than what the gesture is. If someone sends you an email or a file it doesn't mean 'I miss you' it means 'hey check out this sweet band you may or may not like.' No matter how much you want it to have a deeper meaning, it really doesn't. Hypothetically of course. Even if the band is perfect and fits your taste to a T. I'm going to stop obssessing and tearing up while making dinner, and cleaning the bathroom, and typing this. Done.
On the third point (hallejiah we moved on); STOP talking about things and just do them. I will just go with it, do the things I plan to do and move on.
THURSDAY!-->
The week went quickly and I was glad for it. I left work on Thursday with my feet on fire, I could not get out of there fast enough and home to change and leave for Knoxville. The Thursday show made me remember why I love that band so much and why no matter how uncool or ridiculous it is I will love and support them until they quit. I think everyone has that band (or 5) that they connect with to the point that you could play 'finish the lyrics' for their entire discography. Thursday is one of those bands for me. I still remember when I got a burned copy of 'Waiting' from my friend Dustin the summer of 2002 before my senior year of high school. After that I was hooked and there was no going back. For me they are one of those bands where I get that tingling anticipation right before I see them live and when they play I don't care where I am or what's going on around me. That's when I feel most like me, when I feel most alive. I'll sing at the top of my lungs and dance like no one's watching, start conversations with strangers like I'm the most social person around and not care if sweat is smearing mascara under my eyes. There are very few instances in life where that feeling appears and can remain for a great length of time. I wish there were more things in life that made me feel like that but I suppose if I always felt that way it would just be the norm and not something I can look forward to. (I realize I end sentences with prepositions sometimes and it bothers me but I'm just lazy and won't fix them.) I digress. The show was fantastic and completely worth the 2.5 hour drive. Now on the way home I feared for my life for about 75% of the drive. Between sheets of rain being dumped on my car to the point of not being able to see the hood and driving through winding, mountainy roads that looked as if the hills could contain those creatures from Wrong Turn 2 I was a bit of a wreck. My friend texted me to let me know there were tornadoes spotted in Hermitage and to be careful....I went through every scenario in my head of what I would do if I saw a tornado whilst driving. I came to the conclusion that I would find a culvert and climb inside. Then I realized I don't remember even seeing culverts since I've moved to Tennessee and pretty much I'm going to get swept up into the tornado and hope to be dropped to safety by that compassionate beast. Tornadoes have feelings too.
After getting home I was excited that I had lived to enjoy my three day weekend. Twas fantastic with hangouts and UFC and laughs. Some of the conversations involved one of the guys pooping in the back of a pick-up stemming from a statement I had made about feeling destructive...that's just gross and not very destructive. I wouldn't put it past one of them to do it though. So as my weekend comes to a close I am dreading work tomorrow but know that I am one week closer to Spring Break...yes!
Now back to listening to that album for literally the fifth time today. And refraining from crying of course. Can't I just stay mad?
Seeing Thursday made me this happy:
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