Sunday, November 11, 2012

Play needs to outweigh work

Lately it's been harder and harder to be productive when I need to be. I did not have a day off this week and it doesn't appear that I will for at least another week unless I can get my shift covered next Sunday. My school work is suffering and I am behind in one of my classes and putting in minimal effort in the other two. I hate to admit that. I've had allergy symptoms for over a week and haven't felt 100% because I'm wearing myself thin. I know there is an end in sight to this but the day-to-day is just rough. I really am liking my internship and I feel like that is the only venue that I am putting in any effort. l'm significantly failing my own expectations. I can feel that ball of anxiety quietly growing and eating away at me, making me question everything else. My bad habits and self soothing techniques are coming to a head making me feel even worse. The only thing I can think about lately is getting out. Plotting my escape route and getting away from all of the stress. I've been craving a trip to Michigan or Nashville but can't figure out a way to make those happen because I feel like all if my time is completely consumed with these other obligations. It's that repetitive cycle of stress and anxiety leading to more stress and anxiety. It doesn't feel good. 
I know the things I'm supposed to do to make stress more manageable, as do most people; eat healthily, exercise, get adequate sleep and take the time you need in order to relax. That's the kicker, it's finding the time. TIME. What a joke. I barely had time to get the tire replaced on my car after it went completely flat from a massive hole was ripped into it after running something over. ugh.
Ok so in an effort to not be completely negative and complain-y, here are some good things:

-we were able to help out a young family after their van ran out of gas, they were super nice and we realized that they lived quite close
-I got new boots, brown...not sure yet if I love them
-I'm going to get to see my parents for Thanksgiving, even for a short while
-I realized tonight that I needed to take a break and my best friend came to the rescue
-My T-Rex necklace is a hit amongst the coffee customers
The week was all work and no play until Friday. We had moped kids over and played Cards Against Humanity. I laughed til my eyes watered during the game and went to bed early because I needed it. I listen to my body sometimes. I'm hoping we can find time to play again soon. 
Sometimes you just need to realize when it's ok to get silly and dance around the house or play games or kick leaves around. When I left work today there was a massive collection of leaves perfect for jumping into. There were people around so I just kind of kicked around as I was walking to my car. The crunching under my converse was a satisfying sound that made me think for just a second that nothing is really that serious right now. My life is relatively easy compared to most, even though I struggle and get down, sometimes you just need to trounce through a pile of leaves to make that smile spread across your face.
I'll make it and by the time May comes around I'll look back and understand the stress and frustration paid off. 

1 comment:

  1. Well May is not too far away :) at least that's what I keep telling myself! It was awesome that you were able to help out that young family who ran out of gas. That'll come back to you someday in the form of good kharma.

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