being awkward: a biographical tale

I'm in the midst of writing a paper and pretending that it isn't due in a few short days. My mind wandered, and it got me thinking. 
I'm fairly sure that most of the people that I have met in the last few years wonder if I even have a personality. The others wonder where it goes 70% of the time. I would consider myself the type of person that warms up very slowly to other people. Very slowly. Unless there is an odd connection or similar interests that creates large amounts of conversation, like music or social work. My best friend and I didn't like each other when we met, slowly over time we became better friends. After 6 years I finally feel comfortable saying anything that is on my mind, anything. I feel that as I've gotten older I've gotten a little better about this, but it is still a slow process. I've also realized then if I don't speak up it just leads to frustration or anxiety. I guess what got me thinking about this was the fact that even though I've been in Louisville for six months now, I don't feel connected to anyone that I didn't already have a connection with before moving. The two people I still confide in are just geographically closer now. It seems that I don't really know how to make friends with people now that I'm older. There are all sorts of people that I have met here that I really like, but it doesn't extend past the context in which we have met. Sometimes I wonder if the conversations I have with some people are just obligatory because it would be rude to be in close proximity and not make conversation. In most social situations I sit there and wonder, in a very adolescent kind of way, if these people have any interest in getting to know me. Then I just remain quiet and look like the shy girl that doesn't have any opinions or I make weird statements because my sense of humor is strange. Then I get all red-faced. I have the opportunity to over-analyze these interactions and wonder if I even want to be around other people. I'm going to end up like Thoreau or Kaczynski and hole up in a shack in the woods doing math problems or writing metaphors about ponds.
I guess it's just really about courage. The courage to be myself around people and make an effort to connect. If I can't do that then I only have myself to blame. I can completely understand how people become shut-ins and collect things like vintage furniture or cats. If given the opportunity I would do both.
Anyway....odd thoughts.
This past week was much of the same. Work, school, work. 
My supervisor has made several remarks about how well I've been doing, my executive director has made remarks about hiring good interns. I blush a lot at my internship lately. 
Last night we went out to celebrates Jen's birthday since her actual birthday is on Thanksgiving. We went to a Moped Thanksgiving potluck where Jen and I both drank our weight in alcoholic slushies. We ate lots of great food and socialized. It was a good time. Jason drove us to the bar and then to another where we danced and people watched. Jen had fun which was the main objective. We've all got family coming down this week so I've made an extensive list of things to do before that happens. Now finding time to complete that list is going to be the interesting part. It will get done. I just need to stop wasting so much time on the internet. Oops.
Things that are awesome:
Booze slushies
Dancing (however awkward it looks)
sleeping in
having 3 weeks left in the semester
coffee
my hetero lifemates (Jason and Jen)
new music
old music
singing in the car
days off
compliments
dressing up
cuddling
comfy sweaters
finger-less gloves

Have a great, overindulgent week :)