It's nearly Friday again and every time I get on here I realize I don't know where the time went. The weeks are always too fast and never as productive as I want them to be most times.
I've struggled to find the right way to time manage with my new work schedule. The days I work late I have the opportunity to sleep in and instead of getting up with my alarm in the morning I sleep too late then struggle to be productive. Oh motivation, so elusive sometimes. It's just like everything else, a couple weeks of self-discipline then you can get into the swing of things. I need to do that with a few different things in my life.
So one of the things I've learned at my internship is when you're low man on the totem pole you don't get a lot of credit for the work you put in (though I don't know what I'm expecting) and I've also learned that I don't like the drama of politics. I love politics and the the process, it's exciting and interesting but I don't like the games, brown nosing, or personal agendas. I sat and watched a Senator tell a Secretary that she heard 'from somewhere' a particular fact about a bit discussion that was happening. This is vague but it would take a lot more to get into than I care to write about. Long story short the 'source from somewhere' was her. She made a statement in the newspaper about the exact fact that she brought up. I laughed but also felt frustrated. JUST be forthcoming, straight-forward, honest. What happened to that? Everyone knows what you're saying so just say it. That is also my least favorite part about the election season. Every candidate is going to spin information in a way that is positive for them or negative for the opponent. Unfortunately finding the truth is not that easy and most people don't want to put the time and effort into it. Hell, most of the time I don't want to and I try to stay informed. Also, seeing the representatives and senators speaking so informally during the committee meeting left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Where's the professionalism? Most of them looked bored or sleepy or distracted during the presentations. One of them joked that he was going to sell off part of his district to Missouri and then mentioned his cattle. People voted for them to be in that position and they can't be bothered to ask questions or at least look interested. Can we just do a complete government overhaul? Oh what that's what anarchy looks like. The thought of being in a position like theirs one day also crossed my mind.
I also learned that I need to be much more intentional about asking questions at my internship. Last year I had two fantastic supervisors that were constantly checking in to make sure I was 'getting it.' I think being a second year means being more assertive and self sufficient, especially since my supervisor is constantly busy.
These past few days I have been thinking a lot about what I want to be when I 'grow up' and I have come to the conclusion that I have NO idea. I don't know what I'm good at when it comes to social work. I know I have a skill set but I need to identify where those strengths are going to be best used. I can rule out lobbying, I just don't see any part of me wanting to do that. I don't have the heart yet to rule out clinical because that's where a lot of my experience lies. I love research (not so much the very technical parts) as well as the notion that collecting data is essential to this work because it very much is. How do you know if something is or isn't working if you're not analyzing the outcomes? It just seems like common sense. But where does that leave me? I still like the idea of hopping from city to city and doing neighborhood assessments to see where the gaps in services and needs are but I don't know how you can make a career out of it. (Thanks for hanging in there on these nerdy tangents). I need to just find a foundation that will hire me as a contractor to do whatever social work-y thing I want. It has been exactly a year since I destroyed my ankle and had surgery so I intend to mark that anniversary with some fancy new boots to hide the scar (with birthday money, because I still get birthday money even after 26 *ahem, 27, years of my parents enduring me).
I'm looking forward to a date night with my main squeeze, the weekend to get some school work done and hopefully some pumpkin carving and hot cider. I LOVE the fall. I want to rake up leaves and kick them around. I want to take a drive and then a walk and breathe in that fall air and admire those vibrant fall colors before the succumb to the grays of winter. I want to hear the crunch of leaves under my brand new boots.
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