It's gonna hit me with a big wave.

I really need to stop posting about how great the weather is because the next week it's the opposite, I keep jinxing Nashville, oops. I'm just looking for a happy medium.
This week was another interesting one. I have been vehemently searching for a job for the summer. I think I've applied to at least 22 different jobs and I am overqualified for most of them. Having a degree in social work seems a bit of an overkill for a housekeeping job, just a guess. I just need a job so that I can pay bills through the summer, that's all I'm asking, come fall I'll have a job again and all will be right with the world. My mom voice is saying "If you had planned better with your finances you wouldn't have to work." To that voice I say 'fuck off' because I should do a lot of things differently but I don't, so now I bitch. All that I ask is that I make a livable wage. I'll likely be working a minimum of two jobs this summer which kind of puts a damper on any kind of travel plans I had. In the wise words of Tim Gunn I will just 'make it work.' Or I'm moving to a different city where I can find a job and will crash with willing participants for 12 weeks.
This work week made me glad that we only have 10 school days left. I don't hate my job. I love my clients and (some of) my coworkers and would like to say I feel like I made a difference this school year. Lately it's been 2 steps forward and 6 steps back (EFFFF I have Paula Abdul stuck in my head now!). It's so frustrating to put so much time and effort in to something so fragile and in one fell swoop its back to pieces. It could be one thing or a combination of things that makes all that hard work go away but I suppose it's also the same that makes the progress show. I work with kids that I hope aren't too far gone. The kids you wish you had or someone had gotten through to sooner. That's the hard part about working with people, there is no right equation that is a cure-all. You'd think in my free time I'd not want to be around kids but I'm totally digging this babysitting thing. I think it's because it's a nice change going from a kid that wants to throw a book at you after screaming obscenities to a kid that wants you to read him a book at bedtime. It almost makes me hopeful.
Exciting news would include officially becoming a graduate student at the University of Tennessee's College of Social Work. The only thing I can say is that it's about friggin time. I've put off my Masters for quite some time and I really want to see where this will take me next. I can't wait to get started in the fall. Also exciting news would be that I have a new scrabble opponent and shit's about to get intense. This also relates to me having a visitor for the weekend and making me realize things that I've been missing out on. There were 3 'c' words used this weekend and none of them were dirty. Chemistry. Crazy...and the last one is yours to guess. Also I learned how to make lentil burgers (sort of) and tried new things.
This weekend involved completely enjoying every minute of the weekend. I love when that happens.
My broke ass is looking forward to this coming weekend (even though I shouldn't (cos I'm poor) because it involves a music festival and possibly moped riding? Hmm. These things will take place in Louisville (I will continue to pronounce it Lew-EE ville) These next four days will probably crawl which seems to be the theme with any time not spent with fantastic people.
Have a great week :)

Common ground and making it count

I love when I can just sit on my patio and reflect on my week. It's 80* out still and it's almost 8:30 p.m. I know pretty soon I'll feel like I'm melting in the summer heat but I'm currently enjoying it. Actually this weekend I managed to get a bit of a tan/sunburn and enjoy the weather, which was much needed.
I don't even remember what happened throughout the week it feels so long ago. I know I worked and probably wanted to throw things at times. I saw Water for Elephants with some girl friends (gasp! female friends I know!). I stayed late on Thursday for court and got well acquainted with Nashville's juvenile justice system. It appears to be about as effective as Wayne County's system (Detroit specifically). It made me remember how reactive and slow the process is for offenders. It makes me wish there was an understanding about 'proactivity' and why it's good. Lawmakers don't really understand why putting funding into programs to keep kids out of trouble is much less costly in the long wrong.... I mean I didn't go to law school or anything but I've managed to at least figure that part out. It results in a lot of eye rolling on my part.
It feels like last week was forever ago because somehow this weekend it felt like time went in slow motion which is pretty much the best thing ever. Or it's because I got a total of like 8 hours of sleep in two days. My female friend had a guest in town from Louisville so it was determined we would find a means to entertain for the entire weekend and entertain we did. There were many things packed into Friday, Saturday and Sunday, subsequently this week Monday also counted as part of my weekend but I'll get to that later. So...my friend and I met her friend at Dinosaur World in Cave City, KY. This is the 1/2 way point between Louisville and Nashville in case anyone was curious and quite the place to visit. If you haven't been to Dinosaur World you're not missing out on anything unless you want to pay to see giant fiberglass dinosaurs scattered about a field. Some people will pay for that kind of thing, I'm assuming those are the same people that visit this website. PLEASE go to that link, my friend found it in college and it's interactive and uhhh...interesting? Ha anyway, we drive back to Nashville and immediately do sushi (yum!) and then the fun commenced. We ended up downtown pretty late after much deliberation and bar-hopped around. The boys gave me a hard time as per usual and attempted to get piggy back rides from each other. That was a 4 a.m. night. Saturday we managed to pack in Arts and Crafts fairs, the cafe, frisbee, the Parthenon and then drinks on the beach. After some discussion we decided that toilet papering my friends 4x4 backyard and car would be a great idea knowing he was at the bar. Things were going swell and we had just started decorating his yard when he pulled into the driveway. After running down the road and deciding to go back after waiting several minutes we decided to get the car much worse. It looked like this:

Yes we are children. And it was a blast. He knew it was us even though we managed to escape without being seen. Sunday we spent the day getting brunch and recovering from hangovers and sleep deprivation. Most of the day consisted of hanging out in the sun at the park and then by the Percy Priest dam. Sunday night became pretty interesting once returning to Cave City to find that my friend's car had been towed. Ooops. So we spent a large chunk of time looking for it and were finally contacted by the local cops of it's whereabouts. That town is full of some interesting characters. The great length of time spent car hunting resulted in it turning into a late night and decided to not continue to push my sleep deprived body any longer and stay there. And skip work today. I'm lucky my supervisor is awesome. It was the best weekend I've had in forever though.

Not so random aside, it's pretty crazy how perfect strangers can be on such a similar wave length. It's also pretty nice to get to know people that want to get to know you. And to finish each other's sentences without meaning to. I should have pulled out the "jinx you owe me a coke" line a couple of times just to continue the theme of childishly fun activities. There was a lot of smiling going on. It's inspiring.
In weeks to come; hopefully job finding, Krazy fest and hopefully visits from my best friend. Woot!

I hope everyone has a wonderful week, I know I will. <3

We're half awake in a fake empire

It was a big week for the South and yesterday for the entire country. My own week left much to be desired and paled in comparison to anything happening to most people around the country so I'll keep this short and sweet so you can get back to CNN or twitter to stay updated on The Royal Newlyweds or Osama bin Laden. The weather was crazy around here and when the rain wasn't coming down in torrents or tornado warnings weren't flashing across t.v. screens it was sunny and amazing. Nashville got what seemed to be a light slap from the storm system when parts further South got hammered. The fatality count is up to 345 (according to ABC news) which makes that a very significant happening considering that is more than twice the death toll of the Oklahoma City bombings. Obviously those are two very different circumstances but nonetheless the storms shouldn't be glossed over or be old news because they aren't acts of terrorism. The royal wedding coverage makes me a but nauseous considering America's obsession with celebrities and fairy tales. The monarchy is to remain neutral in politics so what bearing or importance do they really have aside from being figureheads? Suppose I should read up on that because it just seems like a lot of show ponying. So bin Laden was found and slain and then buried in the ocean? I'm wondering what comes next? A lot of people think the troops will be returning soon, wrong. Half of the people happy about bin Laden being dead claim it was through no help of the current president and the other half believe it will be a large reason for him being re-elected in 2012. It's hard for me either way to celebrate killing people, evil or not. Crazy bleeding heart, pacifist, anti-American, liberal blah blah. It's good to know the leader of the al Qaeda can no longer lead them but it makes me sad to think about what will be uncovered and the implications this has for our relations with Pakistan, or whatever else we are led to through what was found in his mansion. Moral of the story is people will continue to die by the hands of other men. On a different yet slightly related note, I think our current President has a fantastic sense of humor, even better than Clinton's.
Now that I sound sufficiently ignorant I will move on to something I know even less about; human interaction and decision making.
Have you ever known that something was going to end badly but you carried on with it anyway just to kind of prove yourself right? I find it necessary to be right a lot. I also find it necessary to dissect it to death. I do things for their instant gratification but have the foresight to know I am going to hate myself soon after it's done. I'm still trying to figure out the piece of me that continues to need what I am constantly looking for and can't satiate. Lately it's been a lot of me wondering if I'm missing faith in something or in general. It's irritating.
This week involved visits, marathon watching, drinks and planning. Nothing too exciting and no awkward social encounters with the general public. I'm going to call that a win.
Have a good rest of the week :)

If I came back as a Zombie I would totally eat your brains first. Nom Nom.

Well it's Easter. The only thing that means for me is I can eat purple marshmallow peeps and have a damn good excuse for it. I always start with the ears first. I'm probably going to go into a sugar coma but that's the price I pay for my dedication to the Easter bunny.
When I was a kid we didn't go to church, ever. The only time I went to church was if I was having a sleepover at a friend's house and their parents drug me along. It mostly just made me uncomfortable. I remember on Easter at our house it was celebrated with plastic egg hunting, massive amounts of sugar before 8 a.m. and some sort of little gift from my parents, the older I got the more likely it was cash. The Easter bunny came until I was 17, boy do I miss his visits now. Now I'm just confronted with status updates on Facebook of an undying faith in Jesus or people wishing everyone a Happy Zombie Jesus day. I'm not too keen on either but to each his own.
This week involved a lot of bruises, dude stuff and sweating. This week reminded me of what's to expect for this summer because one of the days this week it was 86 degrees outside and the humidity has began creeping right in.  The upside is that I
was able to skateboard almost every day this week and I'm starting to get better, finally. You wouldn't know it by the condition my body is in though. The other leg isn't quite as bad. I swear I'm not usually clumsy. My friend said it makes me look like a bad ass. I was thinking dumbass but whatever. As much as I'm getting bumps and bruises it's something that makes me happy. I beat myself up too much mentally, it was time for a change.
Aside from the skateboarding I played some sand volleyball at midnight on Thursday night being that we didn't work early on good Friday. That was pretty hilarious and there was sand everywhere, I'm still vacuuming it out of my carpet after tracking it through my apartment. Friday was laid back after a couple hours at the park my friend and I went to see HANNA which was pretty frickin awesome. All of the music was done by the Chemical Brothers which set the tone for the whole movie. I wanted to see Water for Elephants but as soon as he watched the trailer I knew I couldn't put him through two hours of Robert Pattinson, I don't even want to sit through that but the book was so damn good. Saturday I went on a hunt for some vintage goods that I can wear during the summer. I wound up with two dresses that I am pretty psyched about but I can't wear until I stop looking like a domestic violence survivor. It's just too warm for pants at this point. Fat people shouldn't relocate to warmer climates, that just didn't register in my brain before I chose Nashville. Today I had intended to get some groceries and cleaning supplies at Target. Of course it was closed, it's Easter Sunday and I live in Tennessee. Most everything was closed except my gym which I visited so I would feel less guilty about Easter candy. So I went to Kroger and bought some Peeps and laid around the rest of the day.

I LOVE PEEPS! Even the name.
I've mentioned before about how it seems that strangers, especially those in customer service seem to attract themselves to me and say weird things. Today while in a drive thru paying for food (Burger King specifically and yes I ate like crap all weekend) the cashier saw my tunnels (in my earlobe-currently at 1/2") and asked if he could put a straw through one. This is after her called me darling 14 times while I handed him my debit card and he asked me where I was going and where I had been. It's weird, he was hilarious and ballsy enough to ask so I let him. My earlobe was de-virginized by a stranger in a drive thru. What will I tell my kids?
And hey; judge not lest ye be judged, right?

I get by with a little help from my friends.......

Holy smokes this week flew by me. My brain melted at one point during the week only to be revived shortly after by logic and the hard slap of reality.
The thing that drives me crazy about myself is that it seems that I feel EVERYTHING to an extreme. I prefer to stay even tempered and balanced on a day to day basis. That is a goal I have yet to attain and here's why; I'm slightly crazy. It seems that when I develop a feeling about a situation I recognize it, label it and then run with it, swiftly and without further thought. I feel things to their core. Some would say that's passion, I would say it's kind of a curse. I get very tuned into a feeling and have trouble breaking from it even after being confronted with all of the facts and reasons why maybe I shouldn't be feeling that way. Sometimes they come with a fury and hold me captive for hours leaving me in a state of disrepair. That's when I do one of two things. Call my best friend crying or hole up in my apartment and sulk. I chose option number one this weekend. My best friend is my rock in situations like this. And she pretty much rocks my socks anyways because this Tuesday I got a sweet necklace and note in the mail. Love that girl. She also pondered how to send human feces in the mail, I convinced her otherwise.
So my parents dropped by for a day. We did the dinner thing and hung out for a bit. They were heading over to East Tennessee for a car convention. Nerds. The rest of the week I was pretty bored save for time spent at the skatepark. On Saturday my sister called to see if I wanted to grab lunch. Fifteen minutes later she called in hysterics saying the house is flooding and she needed me to come over. Oh man.....disaster. I have no attachment to anything in the house so its a lot easier for me to think clearly and plan steps while she was on the phone freaking out about things getting damaged by water and trying to move equipment away from the stream of water coming from the basement ceiling. Needless to say those are 7 hours from my life I am never getting back but I may later use them as leverage for favors. Ha. She and her boyfriend were super grateful and took me for sushi as a thank you. Free sushi was totally worth running up and down basement stairs 143 times carrying heavy objects. Plus I'm poor so anything free sounds pretty good to me. Sunday was spent with errands and then four hours of skating that cause me to wake up this morning with a very stiff knee. Left knee and concrete met and were quickly mashed together, they don't like each other.
On an unrelated note; I am not a parent nor should I feel like one considering no babies have exited my vagina so if you want me to take care of your children like a parent you probably shouldn't be a bitch to me. Just a thought. If you can't take care of your kids because you're ill equipped or incompetent you get help but it isn't guaranteed and you are not entitled to it. I'm here to help NOT parent your children. These parents make me reconsider that whole wanting to be a Mom idea.
I miss Michigan and hope to visit soon. In the meantime I will keep my head up and my crazy emotions under control. Now for that whole fixing kids and parents thing....

Name-calling like the playground days

I still can distinctly remember being the little girl hanging upside down on the jungle gym being taunted about my last name or which boy I had a crush on or for being helpful  to the teacher (I was not a teacher's pet!). Even once there may have been the stereotypical pulling of the pig tails. Sadly none of that ever really ends. Boys will still look for stupid ways to get your attention and people with still say hurtful things about you. The playground is a smaller scale version of adulthood sans the bills and substance abuse (one would hope). You have your key players; playground monitors (your boss, authority, parents, etc), your crush, the bully, the socially awkward, the followers, the nerds, the cool kids and then there's you somewhere in the mix. There are norms, rules and playground politics. I was told to play nice with everyone which I feel still rings true today, without compromising honesty or self respect. There were a few instances this week when I felt like I was back on the swing set having insults lobbed at me and pretending not to be bothered. I suppose that's what you get when you play with children.
Alas, this week involved me at the gym every day. My knee is not back to normal but I'm pretty much doing what I can to do low impact stuff. It felt good to get back into the swing of things. Work, gym, dinner, whatever. Normalcy. Even work wasn't as bad this week, from what I can remember....I think my brain is storing that memory someplace else and it won't come out until I develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (aka multiple personalities). We are now in the single digits as far as weeks left of school and weeks until I am jobless and poor. It's funny because I don't think about it often but I'm beginning to have some somatic issues related to stress. Might want to watch out for that. In the meantime pretending like everything is a-ok works really well for me.
The weather was gorgeous this week and I am becoming what normal people would consider "pale" rather than my usual translucent skin color. Saturday and today were actually just hot and humid which kind of scares me because it's only April. The rest of the weekend was hardly productive except that I got a haircut and made $50 to sell tee shirts at a concert. The people watching at country concerts is pretty epic and people spend ridiculous money on merch.
On a side note I am a huge brat.
My parents are coming down this week and I've got work. Other than that hopefully it's the gym, the skatepark and sunny weather.
Have a wonderful week :)

***I realize this was after I posted but it goes along with the name calling theme. I went to watch the Nashville Predators (hockey if you don't know) play the Columbus Blue Jays on Friday. Not only are the Predators fans poor sports but they talked shit about the Red Wings the entire game. Chanting 'you suck' at every opportunity. They weren't even playing the wings! WTF?!? I don't think I'll be returning to watch them play unless it's to watch them lose to the Wings.  Dickbags. I'm sure the team is awesome but a lot of the fans are jerks. Also there chants lack any wit or creativity. Na Na Na nah Boo Boo.

All affected way too easy by the love and the hate.

Holy wow this week was odd. I went into work on monday only to learn that one of my clients was in a significant amount of trouble. This is a client I pushed to get because I knew he'd be worth the challenge if I could affect some change. Needless to say the week started off a bit rough. I'm not a 'go through the motions' type, especially at work and I don't ignore blatant problems which is why I feel so frustrated at work some days. It's hard to understand why people that chose a field to teach children and they make statements like, "he's just a lost cause," or "what's the point of even trying?" Or they sit and argue with a child or power struggle with an oppositionally defiant kid. Those are the days I want to beat my head against a wall. The incompetence of some people isn't the hardest part of my job though, it's outright ignorance. Ignorance on the parents part when they they their kids they 'wished they were never born' or continue to list off all of the problems that they caused for them. I had a meeting with the same kid Friday and I met with his mother as well attempting to figure out how he can return home without mass chaos. It was difficult to bite my tongue when I heard those things. I tried to counter with optimistic and positive statements to no avail. After massive amounts of frustrations with the meeting and the bullshit that took place to even have the meeting I drove towards home and just let it out. I put my huge Jackie O sunglasses on and had a good ten minute cry. I decided that even though there are things that I have no control over and can't take away there are things I can do to assauge a situation. Regardless of what happens I really don't think that situations are 100% hopeless even if they look that way sometimes. It does make me sad that parents breed a negative environment and it spreads to everything in the home. I wish there was a pill for that instead.
So rough week at work but better in most other areas. To doctor my knee my friend told me about glucosamine for joints, there isn't evidence that it works but I feel like it made a huge difference, enough so that I did 3 miles at the gym two days in a row and was able to skate during the week as well. It made me feel so much better and I've got so much more energy. Unfortunately I'm not even close to being on pace for the 1/2 marathon. I'll figure something out.
This weekend was a trip. Friday we went out to Crags and played pool, I of course got killed every time. It was a huge dude fest so it was a little weird but I met friends of friends and met some pretty cool people. I had a good talk with Jason and Stew about my standards for men and expectations and how I am a repeater. I definitely am and I need to break that habit when it's time to start looking. I'm not looking.
Saturday I was invited to a moped rally by my friend Julia. She has a friend that is in a moped gang (I am not kidding-gang) and they travel all over so he came down to Nashville with his gang. Imagine a massive garage with high ceilings full from side to side with mopeds and hipsters. I wish I took pictures because it's hard to put into words. There were a lot of skinny jeans, PBR's and moped enthusiasts. They even have rules and regulations of how you form a gang and how you become a member. There are no beatings (I asked). I called it 'a nerdy Hell's Angels meeting.' However I don't think Hunter S Thompson would have gotten involved. All of the people there were really cool and extra smelly with a mixture of gasoline and body odor. It was rad. I do kind of want to be a part of something like that though not with mopeds, I couldn't pull that off and look cool. Ever.

This week will be a lot of me focusing on the positives at work, forcing myself to think of a positive to every negative....this may be harder than I think. Hope everyone else has a wonderful week :)