ghosts

This is more for therapeutic means than anything.
Have you ever been trying to keep a person off of your mind, for whatever reason, when suddenly everything around you starts setting off tiny reminders in your head? Be it a song, a phrase, another person or whatever. Or have you been somewhere and the person you are trying not to think about suddenly appears, or at least it looks just like them and you think you're going to empty the contents of your stomach all over the box jump you're standing on? I got the shakes today. I didn't like it.
Now, I don't talk about my religious beliefs because I really lack any. I like the idea of balance which would imply that I do believe that there is something influencing those balancing acts. If you're a bad person then bad things will happen and vice versa. I know people say 'well what about those good people that bad things happen to?' I don't know...something else in their life will make up for it? I don't believe in fate or soul mates or idealistic crap like that. I do have hopes and expectations though and when they don't pan out I get extremely bummed. As do most people I suppose.
My stomach hurts.

I'm so irresponsible!!

I just realized that I forgot my weekly bible belt post.......and its already Tuesday night which means I lack the motivation to write about last week. Sunday I will.
I threw a tee shirt at a homeless guy out of a moving car. Highlight of the week.
That is all.

Too many shows about serial killers.

The other day while reading in the cafe sans headphones I overheard a woman talking loudly about her friend that committed suicide. (This isn't depressing, I swear) She said a few things about how they were close. She then quickly switched the conversation to another topic and brought up how people in general are unintelligent and 'the masses' I was half expecting her to start looking around pointing at people and calling them 'sheep', but she didn't.E very other word out of her mouth was 'fuck' and 'cunt' at which point I had to cover my mouthpiece on my phone so my poor Mother didn't have to hear those things.(I like to think my Mother believes I don't say things like that either) A hundred years ago a woman nor a man would talk about any of those things in public, it was considered indecent and vile...Isn't it still? It just makes me wonder if things are getting better or worse. Anyway.
The week was a little bit crazy. We got a ton of snow (ha, like 2 inches) which meant that they canceled school everyday of the week. So I basically had a 4 day weekend and limited amounts of work throughout the rest of the week. I became extremely bored and anxious which generally happens when I have too much time to think. I function better when busy, even better when extremely busy without time to think about trivial things like future plans and relationships. I really should have been a lawyer, 80 hours a week, no life, it would have been sanity. Fun things during the week included seeing the Fighter (amazing) and the farmers market and drinks. The weekend also included laundry and hanging out with my sister's pup which continues to make me want a pet even more...not so much her dog though...she's a bit of a nut. Sister and I went to sushi and shopping afterward, ha man I love shopping. The rest of Sunday was a little rough and we'll just keep it at that.
I can't wait to throw myself into some sort of work soon whether it be paid or not. Sitting on my kitchen floor in the middle of the afternoon trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life means I've got a little too much time on my hands.
This last week I increased my running to 5 miles which fucking sucks and I hate it. haha. I think a very small piece of me enjoys it and that small piece is apparently what keeps pushing me. I'll be glad when 5 miles starts to get easier and I get faster. Then I get to push it to 6 then eventually 13. FML.
I finished yet another season of SVU on Netflix and I started Dexter season 1. I'm a little surprised I haven't had bad dreams yet.

Where is the f*cking snow??

I'm lacking cable tv so I'm relying on News websites to deliver some good news, that Metro Nashville schools are canceled....Still waiting. There was no bread, milk, eggs or bottled water in the grocery store and there isn't a flake in sight. Come on! This snow needs to appear or the people acting like it's the apocalypse in the grocery store are going to feel even more stupid than they are.
This week brought some good news from my former pprofessor. It's too soon to go into detail and I still need to meet with her but I'm feeling hopeful. I also realized that I won't be taking any classes this semester due to them having to combine classes and switch the class to the morning...bummer. This week also took my lazy ass back to the gym after a 10 day hiatus. Oh man....ouch. I joined an actual gym rather than sharing the treadmill at my apartment with moms and their active toddlers. I also met with a trainer because they feel it necessary to attempt to sell you their services. Personal trainers are kind of like prostitutes, they charge ridiculous amounts by the hour and in return you get to sweat and leave tired with parts of your body burning, hopefully at the gym though the burning is not when you pee. When I was getting my 'consultation' the trainer even jokingly said 'try not to look at my ass' while he was demonstrating. Yes, because your ass is my main focus when I'm at the gym surrounded by massive dudes pumping iron and tiny women running around in spandex. After the sessions I promptly told him unless his services are free I can't use him, and I'm not ready for any kind of commitment. I was sore for three days after. Ass.
I was asked to run a half marathon with some friends, looks like I'll be embarrassing myself at the gym frequently until the marathon in April.
I found out that even during the winter the Zoo is open, unfortunately the giraffes are inside as well as the elephants. Put a winter coat on those bitches I want to be entertained! Instead I got to pet some goats and look at snakes, I think it was still worth it though. That was my Saturday. Friday night the same crew I'm always with went to the bar to do some excellent people watching. There was then a suggestion to go to elsewhere at 2:30 am but a snowball fight in the parking lot took place instead. It was a fun night.
This week will involve work, hangouts and gym time. I'm hoping that soon I will be able to walk properly without people assuming some licentious acts were performed on my backside. My hamstrings are killing me!
Lots to do this week, hope it's a good one.

Don't be afraid to skydive with a hermaphrodite.

It was a fantastically busy week and I'm a little glad to be sitting on my couch in my very own apartment currently starving and refusing to cook anything because I am lazy.
The week involved extensive hangouts with my best friends and quality time with family. It was amazing. I drove between Riley Center, Mt. Clemens, Lapeer, Lansing, Yale and everywhere in between. I was also able to rent a car which made things much easier on my Mom and myself because I think we were beginning to drive each other crazy.
Activities included sushi with Keena, hangouts with Greer whom I missed like crazy as well as dinner with old co-workers which was awesome. Time with the Scubes and Jen as well as Stew. I was able to see everyone I wanted for the most part and really enjoyed the time spent. I am lucky to have such fantastic friends. I played Scrabble with my 71 year old Grandma and she ended up beating me after I gave her an idea for a word that just so happened to be on the triple word score tile, damn it. After beating me she promptly put the board away to avoid a rematch and kicked me out so she could hang out with her boyfriend....wtf. I got to spend time with my nephew and his wii as well as a small amount of time reading with my niece who is adorable. Went on the annual AARP Casino trip outing where everyone I went with had a minimum 20 years on me. I got to watch my friend's cousin attempt to cover and record Katy Perry's 'Teenage dream' and spent an extremely long time trying to reach the same octave she sings at, scary. My Mom made several references to 'Justin Bieber haircuts' when anyone on tv had hair covering their forehead. I wasn't aware she was so hip. Spent NYE with my besties and we all realized we are all damn old. Ugh. In a nutshell my time spent in Michigan was fantastic and hilarious.
The plane ride back involved me sitting next to a man that appeared to have a nervous tick that required him to check to make sure his penis was still in his pants every 20 to 45 seconds. When his hands were not searching for his manhood they were in his armpits. I just kept my head in my book and tried to not look horrified.
As far as a 'year in review' post, this is all that I will say; 2010 was a big year of changes for me and I hope that 2011 follows this pattern as well.
As far as resolutions I have a few; get a passport, have more adventures with or without said passport and continue figuring out what I want. Easy enough right?
Side note....I am a big nerd and am a big fan of fellow nerds. I resolve to hang out with more people like me. ha.

Coming to you from the icy tundra (aka Michigan)

It's freezing here and everything is snow covered. One of the reasons I don't live here anymore though not the main reason because I really don't mind having a white Christmas. My parents don't have Internet at their house right now because my Dad's a procrastinator. Meh, it's ok because I found wi-fi at the McDonald's here which is weird considering I spent so much time working here in High School.
The flight to Michigan was good and we barely touched ground and I was already shopping with my Mom. That woman does not waste any time. I was able to pick out a present (a purse) from the Fossil store and helped to choose some other gifts for family. At times I feel like I revert back to 'teenagehood' when I visit from out of town because I don't have my own vehicle, I'm staying in my old room at my parents house and I have to give my whereabouts and ETA whenever I do leave the house.... I have no desire to relive those years in high school. Though I do like the idea of school clothes shopping and no bills, reaffirming my belief that I need to marry rich.... ha.
Visiting also reminds me of how disconnected I feel from a lot of people here and how much goes on that I miss when I'm not around. I suppose it's the price I pay for moving to a conservative state where I live above my means and continue to look for something more. That's another can of worms.
My Christmas was good. I was able to spend time with both sets of grandparents and see my brother and his family. We went on our annual trip to the casino which involved a lot more laughing than money winning and texting my Mom in the car. Didn't foresee that happening. I came out ahead and am happy about that. Plus my Aunt and Mom get together and feed off of each other, they get silly and a little crazy but hilarious... I wonder if I'll be like that when I'm older...I kind of am at times now.
Now it's time to figure out how to see a bunch of people I really want to see in just a few short days while borrowing my Mom's car. Hmm.
As much as I like being here I realized that I feel more at home now in Tennessee, or at least more comfortable. That doesn't mean I want it to be my permanent home but I suppose I'll enjoy it while I'm there and meet people and learn new things, finish my Masters and then head out... I've been toying with the idea of Colorado or Oregon, maybe Northern California...who knows I've got a few years to figure it out.
On a totally unrelated and semi-cryptic note I have been thinking alot about emotional maturity lately. I definitely agree more so now with the studies and research about how the brain is still developing until the age of about 25. All of the growth is taking place in the frontal lobe where the emotional processing and higher thought happens and I can see a difference in myself over the last few years I think. Not that I'm fully developed after hitting 25 but comparing myself to people I know in their early 20's I feel like I've got a better handle on myself. Maybe not...just thinking aloud. I do know I'm not as emotionally crazy or self conscious as I was.
I'll end by saying 2010 was by far one of the most life altering years I've had thus far and I look forward to more change and adventures in the next year.
Until next year....

You can't tell meth jokes in the South.

This week I found further motivation to get stuff done. Well motivation to plan to get stuff done and found a legitimate excuse to put things off, going to the gym. I need to schedule my GRE and write a professional statement, oh I should go for a run....Ha, I did not miss a day this week. Yesterday I got to experience what it would be like to have a child at the gym and it added to the 'Cons' category of having a child...not that it's happening soon, but mentally preparing years in advance. Anyway, my 'gym' is in the apartment complex and is the size of my living room. They have 5 different weight machines, a stair climber and a treadmill. TINY. Also quite inconvenient when other people are there. I got to the workout room and both cardio machines were occupied as well as a weight machine by a two year old. I saw the toddler running around the gym sticking fingers between the weights, attempting to climb on the climber and also attempted to join his mother on the treadmill, luckily she kicked him to impede his success. Selfish baby, it was Mom's turn on the treadmill. He then decided he wanted to climb on my legs as I was doing leg lifts. I thanked him for offering the extra weight but told him I wasn't quite ready to move up. I also kept him from pinching his fingers in the weight machine two different times.  His mother giggled and continued running. I wanted to throw a stick on the treadmill.
I'm flying out to Michigan on Wednesday and am pretty excited to be spending 9 days with my family and friends. Not so excited about the snow and crappy weather though it will be nice to have a white Christmas. I'm not sure if New Years Eve in the mitten was the best decision but I think it will be a good time. The flight home the next day will likely be rough. Having that much time off of work is going to be crazy and I may get bored.
When I'm bored here, which I often am at night I turn to my best friend in Nashville, Netflix. I'm very reliant on this netflix character and he seems to really know what I like. I feel like Miranda and Tivo (Sex and the City reference, fyi). I'm currently watching a documentary on biological sex appeal. Apparently I'm lucky to have a relatively symmetrical face, hurrah. Netflix is teaching me alot including how to be a drug dealer, I hear meth is pretty big in the South.
I found something else I want for Christmas if anyone is interested:

I like Miss Kate Spade and her purses.